Motherhood as teamwork

I happen to live on a street with lots of children. It is also a wonderfully friendly neighbourhood.

One great thing about my street is the support between the mums. This is not as evident up my end of the street, where we all have husbands around more and also do some paid work. Though the mums are lovely up my end too, just busy!

The other end of the street, there are a row of defence forces houses. This group of mums deal with husbands who are often away for work. (They are all dads in the defences, I guess it could be the other way around, but so far we haven't seen any families there where the mum is the one in the forces). These mums support each other during these times. Also down that end are a couple of single mothers who have become part of this group of supportive mums. I have got to know this group of women through going for walks, and they often include me in as well.

All these women could have been doing it tough without each other, but with each other they have made our street a place of warmth and care. This is how motherhood should work. Teamwork. And I would hope that if we got any primary carer dads or grandparents in the neighbourhood, they might be included too.

photo from freefoto

Is it just me?

Does anyone else do this? I have a little book I write favourite recipes in - one side adult, the other kid oriented. I write down my own little changes and tips when I copy recipes. I take this when I go away so that I can cook my own recipes. I lent it to my mother when I had my youngest so that she could cook food for my eldest from the recipes he was was used to eating. I lost it for a while (which was quite distressing!) but recently found it when I did a big clean up. But here's the morbid thing - I make sure my husband knows where it is in case I get run over by a bus. I reason that it's hard enough to lose your mum, without losing all your favourite reassuringly familiar food as well.

In other news (using the word in the broadest sense), Sparky just got his winter shoes, and at 3.5 years, he is now wearing (gasp!) size 11. By my reckoning, he will have the same size as me by around age 7. Which will be handy - stilettos go down a treat with the other boys in the playground LOL.

Raising children in community

I've blogged about this topic before, but it hit me again this week to wonder how much more stressed women are in childrearing since the advent of the nuclear family and women being isolated at home all day with young kids.

It came to mind because I spent Tuesday this week at my cousin's house, tag team childcare, as she and I had various things we had to get done during that day and so we pooled our resources and I stayed at her place for the day (Thanks R!) At times, both of us were there - sharing looking after the kids and working on our computers. The kids always had one of us ready to pay attention to them, if not both of us. I really enjoyed the day - being able to chat occasionally and share the duties. It brought to mind other days where I have spent the day with other women and their children, and we have commented that the day seems easier and faster when you do it together. Now, it isn't always convenient or desirable to do this, but I think such a model reflects older cultural village style society, and I reckon this is how we are intended to do it. If only we didn't think that this means we are failing, and that going it alone is some kind of test of motherhood!

By the way if you were wondering why I haven't blogged for a while - it was my birthday a week ago, my husband's been away, and my mum is in hospital, among just some of the things going on.........

What mums can wear this spring (shoes)

I spend way too much time thinking about fashion – I justify it by categorising it as my hobby I use to relax, just as someone else might be into scrapbooking! Well just decided to justify it a bit more by using all my time spent thinking about this to summarise for you what will work from this season’s fashion for mums like me, that need clothes for hanging round at home with the kids, making dashes to the shops, visiting friends, doing some part time work, and occasionally getting out in the evening (and realising you have nothing to wear). And don’t want to speand lots of money.

So I will do an occasional blog on this – today it’s shoes for spring:

Ballet flats - These have been around for a while now, but long may they stay in fashion. These are wonderful – I live in my current black pair. They are flat – lets face it as much as a hobbit like me feels the need for heels, they just don’t cut it when you are looking after kids. They slip on and off – I keep mine next to the door, as I’m often needing to just dash out. They are comfy. They can be dressed up or down, and go with almost anything. Currently fashionable – and always hepburnesque!

I have a black patent pair at the moment – patent is very in – and they have seen lots of wear – but I got them for 40 dollars and 6 months later after very frequent wear the patent is peeling off. So this might be an item worth spending a bit more on. I also have a pair of colourful cherry ripe keds – they make me feel happy but don’t go with lots of stuff.

What will I get next? Silver ones. Metallics are a trend this season, and I reckon they will have that go with most things vibe black does, but have a lovely summery look to them. I am also craving a jewel embellished pair , but not so sure these will be as all purpose.

Sandals . Again, flat. Comfy, Great for warmer days. More elegant than a thong. I’m assuming you already have a pair of thongs! Keep wearing them – not that in this year, so buy new sandals instead. I have some metallically blue and also black havianas given to me by lovely people, and very handy they are. So anyway, go the sandal this year - unlike a thong, they can be dressed up or down.

Beware: all sandals are not created equal. A sandal can be a thing of resort like elegance or orthopaedic ugliness. I have put some photos in of the type of thing I am thinking of:
Now, I don’t want to encourage consumerism so in terms of spring shoes, that’s it. That should do you. One or both of those. Approaching summer, you might feel like a new pair of dressy shoes for the party season – so we will talk about those then.

* all shoes pictured are from witchery - see www.witchery.com.au

the nursing pastors association?

Just gone back to work (which is why havent blogged recently) - as I start juggling 2 kids 2 and under with working as a pastor, there is the story about Julia Gillard being told by Bill Heffernan she can't be a leader because she has chosen not to have children, Yet if she did have she would be in trouble for neglecting them!!! We just can't win sometimes.

My baby is refusing to take the bottle (opposite of his older brother), so I am breastfeeding him at work on Sundays. A pastor breastfeeding at church... this is pioneering stuff hey??

mother guilt

I believe there is a book out about this ( see Mother Guilt - by Ita Buttrose - havent read it).... yesterday I went for a walk - with baby in pouch but without 2 year old. 2 year old in sobs because mummy was going without him (a grandmother was there to look after him). Despite the fact that I was doing it to control my weight since having preeclampsia twice gives me a very high chance of developing high blood pressure later in life, and walking with my 2 year old isn't a major workout - I cried for the first part of the walk, feeling bad for doing something for myself. Hmm, how is going back to work this week (as of today) going to with all that guilt???

theology and kids

Story one: we read a book on Easter at playgroup and I asked Sparky about it later that day. That book was about Jesus mummy, not Easter. Easter is about Jesus I reply. Gales of laughter from Sparky. No mummy, Easter is about Eggs. Ok I may be a pastor, but how do you teach a 2 year old about the cross?

Story two: Last night, I was singing Jesus loves the little children to Sparky before bed. This always ends up with multiple verses Jesus loves all the Sparkys, Owls, Daddies and Mummies, at Sparky's urging. I wasn't feeling in charity with my family, the world or God really. As I sung each verse, I realised the simple truth of this song "they are precious in his sight" and my failure to live by it. I had been disciplining Sparky all day - necessary, but how could I try to bring in more grace with the truth I had been giving him? (see Cloud and Townsend Raising Great Kids :parenting with Grace and Truth, and Kimmel's Grace based parenting) . I was running out of patience with Owl, who is a bad sleeper, losing sight of how all this would fade in memory as he grew. I was taking out my frustration on my husband - thinking cynical thoughts about men generally. Forgetting that he was my ally in this difficult business of bringing up children. And I had certainly forgotten Jesus loved me, feeling like a grit your teeth hopeless unappreciated drudge. It occurred to me society doesn't appreciate mummies enough, but Jesus does - the Jesus that cared for his mother even as he died. I think I need to go back to Sunday School.