No ideas what to post, so here is a photo

Totally out of inspiration. So look at my boys - Sparky (almost 5) behind Scout (almost 2 3/4).

The games kids play

Nicole blogged about playing snakes and ladders (frustratingly too punitive snakes) and slamwich (a hit!) with her kids. Might need to get that one.

Sparky is at the age where games start being really fun, but Scout is still at the throw the pieces around the room and start a bunfight with your brother stage. I'm hoping next year we might start being able to get them to play them together.

We recently bought Boggle for Bhaer and myself (with an eye to the future) and so Sparky got out his Children's Boggle. There is a multi player version of this game, but so far we have only used the single player version. Sparky has been reading for a long time but his writing has really only just started taking off - this game is great for kids at that stage.

Another couple of games we have for Sparky that have been used only rarely so far - due to Scout - are Happy Families and The Shopping List game (which is one of the many memory games out there). He enjoys both of these. I grew up playing with my Dad's charming old happy families pack from the 50s (outdated socially though as all the dads were the workers) but sadly no one knows where it is.

We also have children's scrabble, which hasn't really caught on with him yet - I think its easy version is now too easy and the hard version still too hard.

Other games that I remember fondly from childhood and I'm keen to introduce the kids to, include:

Uno

Chinese Checkers (Lovely old set of Dad's -missing??)

Battleships (forget the plastic versions - we always just played with paper)

Careers (I enjoyed this much more than Monopoly, I think because you could strive for happiness as well as money. Again used Dad's and missing)

Connect 4

Guess who (my brother and I loved this and never owned it)

I also loved a game which had no winners and was all about learning about each other and cooperating but my brother hated it. I would have to do a deal with him where I played a game of monopoly and he played one of my game - can't remember what it was called now.

As a teenager, I would add Trivial pursuit and Pictionary and Cheat (note that I have linked here to the wikipedia article which gives an alternative and more scatalogical title to the game...).

Which games do your children enjoy? and which do you remember fondly from your own childhood?

*I got the image from the Games Empire website, which is where we bought Boggle - a great games and lego shop online and in Marsfield with competitive prices.

Good Friday Grief

Good Friday has always, since I was a child, held much meaning for me, but it has added significance in recent years.

I lost my first child on a Good Friday 6 years ago, to miscarriage. The date itself (April 18th that year I think) hasn't stuck in mind, rather the poignancy of it being Good Friday. He/she would have started school this year. I always remember my first child on Good Friday and look forward to meeting that child in the future - the future that is ours through Christ.

That day 6 years ago was one in which I gained an insight into the terrible pain of God the Father. I had always been moved by Christ choosing to die for me , but now I had some understanding of the depth of the suffering of the parent. As I lost my child, which took several painful lonely and scary hours, I thought about the loss of the Son to the Father. In my grief, which almost overwhelmed me, I clung on to this, and found my way to the beginning of hope.

The complexity of children

One of the engrossing activities we parents like to indulge in is defining and categorising our kids. And yet my experience so far, particularly after no 2, is that while this is an enjoyable and even necessary activity, as it helps us to understand and appreciate them, they do defy our neat descriptions of them. At 19 months and almost 4, my two boys are already individuals of sometimes alarming complexity.

Sparky has recently learnt to read by himself. This kind of feat, typical of him, has confirmed my description of him as very verbal. (and by the way, shows that we have to be careful of applying general statements about gender, such as that boys arent as verbally gifted, to specific children). And yet, I was recently reminded that I can't ignore the other abilities and interests he might have. Sure, he will be probably be a bookish kid. But that doesn't mean I won't have to be dragged along to Saturday morning sport (you can see how excited I am about the prospect of that...). He doesn't seem particularly sporty to me as yet, but even if he has no huge talent in that area, he might still really enjoy it. What reminded me is that he suddenly came out with a mathematical statement he had worked out (5 + 5 = 10, he worked it out from hands and feet he tells me, and wasn't told by anyone). I had been so focussed on his reading I hadn't been talking to him about numbers or really doing anything about his numeracy recently.

Well, on to Scout (hehehe yes, finally owl is renamed, and all your suggestions helped guide my thinking ). Scout is what is often called a typical boy - though I am a little wary of saying this about him, as if his brother isn't therefore as masculine. Anyway, Scout is adventurous and rebellious. A typical stunt of his is when he learnt how to climb on to the dining table and spent the first day doing that continually, looking at me knowing he was about to get in trouble, and clapping himself. He is the kind of kid who does something daring, hurts himself, and just has to try again immediately to see if it will still hurt this time. He loves cars and trains. Yet to just define him that way limits him. He is also far more interested in nurturing play than his brother at the same age. He loves cuddly toys and dolls, and is already pretending they are babies and looking after them. If he sees a baby in the supermarket he spends the rest of the time looking for them.

It is good to recognise their distinct personalities and to therefore being looking to cater to their special interests and needs. But in doing so, I am trying not to at the same time close off doors they might want to explore. God makes them more wonderful than we can imagine or describe

two boys in a bedroom and the little one said......

nothing as it turns out, and neither did the big one. Yes we have successfully got our boys to share a room , aged 3.5 and 15 months. After a successful camp with all of us sharing a room, we have done 2 nights at home and it has worked. Both seem very happy. I have now got all the toys out of my living room into a dedicated playroom. Down the track we plan to have bunk beds, perhaps like these ikea ones. Not now, or for some time, because Owl is a fearless adventurer.

Latest Sayings

Sparky: I love you even when you are naughty Mummy
Owl: tee (tree), bic (biccie), key, pixer (picture)

a week is a long time in blogland

Well, sorry I haven't blogged for a week - it's been busy! Why? Sparky starting preschool, for one thing. I have photos, but haven't got round to loading to computer....

Good thing last week I sent myself a weekly blog task of appreciating the week that was, or I might not be blogging now.

This week:
1. Sparky having the dream preschool start. No tears, no dramas, and the teacher says he is happy and confident. Ah bliss.
2. Sparky confident at his second swimming lesson - what made this even better was that he afterwards told me that he was a little scared, but that he was Ok and he enjoyed it. So it wasn't fearlessness, but good fear coping strategies.
3. Spending time with Owl while Sparky at preschool. As a consequence, or at least it seemed that way to me, Owl seemed to develop by leaps and bounds this week - he nods for yes, shakes for no, and said lots more words. Very helpful, though still screams for drink.
4. getting more on top of the housework, because of 1.
5. reading lots more lately - I am currently reading the memoirs of Canon SB Babbage which fills you in on the anglican scene in Oz last century - interesting (but then I really like Trollope too, in particular the barsetshire chronicles) - perhaps more interesting to me too because I am related by marriage to him, as well as being a past recipient of a prize named after him!

Owl walks!

On Friday Owl started walking (well one very tentative step). Very proud mum of my 10 month old. I have put up a photo from his dedication day of Sparky and owl dancing at Yum Cha (yummmmmmm - a real plus to working at a chinese church).

My blog has been very domestic recently! I will try to put in some more thinky pieces soon......I've been asked to write some theology stuff so that might help me get the brain in gear.

childrearing and personality

Bhaer and I have been thinking a lot about how our parenting methods need to take account of personality. We are both very aware, for instance, that as introverts, we shouldn't see Sparky's extraversion as naughtiness just because it is different (and sometimes annoying...).

Just the other day, Sparky told me he liked squiggly things - like worms and drawing squiggles. This made me think of the very basic personality test of what shape you like. There are 5 shapes and one is a squiggle. I wondered whether it worked for him. Well, not completely - for a 3 year old he isn't messy and disorganised. But he is "creative, flamboyant, dramatic, and witty" and "very easily bored, requiring constant stimulation". See here. You can check out yourself - I'm a circle, with a little squiggliness.

I have often wondered what his Myers Brigg type is - it is hard to know for a young child, but we are guessing an ENFJ (though not as sure about middle letters).

Owl is still a baby, so hard to guess at him, but he is generally quieter (not always), and more self directed.

I'm thinking I might like to look into books like the one pictured above - which I found here on Amazon.

What about your kids? How do their personality types shape how you parent?

catch up (plus some discussion of gifts)

I haven't blogged for a week, so i thought I would do a catch up blog.

The reason for my extended silence was Sparky's 3rd bday, Bhaer's study schedule, Sparky getting a tummy bug, Owl getting his first tooth, and my work schedule.

It all happens at once doesn't it?!!

Sparky's bday involved lots of assembling - a bike, a swing set, a blow up trampoline (still haven't finished the swing set...). And contrary to popular stereotypes, I am better at this than Bhaer, so a lot of it became my job. I will certainly be much more alert to assembly requirements at Christmas. Could be a deal breaker...

Sparky certainly in my opinion received too much, though this was due to the love and generousity of all the lovely people in our lives. (Bhaer and I only gave him 2 pressies - a bike and a book.) Perhaps I am misremembering, but children seem to have many more toys today than when I was growing up - what do others think?

As well as Sparky's gifts, we put together a gift for a child with less than him - we got a shoebox ready for OPERATION CHRISTMAS CHILD. We chose to fill a box for a boy 2-4 yo - i.e. the same as Sparky. Sparky seemed most concerned that we had to buy a toothbrush - I think this truly brought home to him how much less some children have. He chose what we gave (well I chose what we would give, but he chose which one of each thing). He chose everything that he would have liked (which I think is deep love from 3yo) and has shown no desire to claim the things for himself. We had a bit of a hiccup with buying all this - Bhaer met up with me at the end of the shop and paid for the entire supermarket shop while I went and fed Owl. He then left the bag containing the pressies at the supermarket accidently. So we had to go back the next day and go round the shelves again and get these again (not pay for them, the supermarket were understanding), and while this annoyed me, it ended up I think helping Sparky to really get the whole concept worked out. If you are interested in doing it, see here for the list of what to pack and previous link for where to send.

security and competency

I have been thinking about and struggling with the issue of developing both security and competency in my children. This is a similar issue to how you balance love and discipline with children, but I guess a slightly different perspective.

It has been on my mind a bit recently due not only to the constant work of parenting, but also because I have been reading about a book that we bought from a fete - a novel - about 3 damaged children at an experimental school - more about that when I finish it perhaps (if you are interested, it is Borderliners by Peter Hoeg).

I want my kids to feel that I love and am interested in them no matter what. Pretty fundamental for happiness and peace in this world. I want them to be secure. But I also want children who can cope with this world. I want them to be competent. So, for instance, when one of my kids hurts himself (btw not gender exclusive, just I only have boys!), how much sympathy do you show? He needs to know that I care when he is hurt, but also that he is able to pick himself up and keep on going.

Lately I have been a bit draconian about cup spills with Sparky - we had trouble changing him over to a non lidded cup because he just would not take responsibility for it. He could use it, but he wouldnt keep aware of where it was, so would knock it over. Eventually I did 2 things - 1- introduced negative consequences for spills due to carelessness (not genuine accidents) 2 - stopped giving him lidded cups. 1 - had some effect but 2 - was the most effective.

Was it important that he use a non lidded cup? probably not in and of itself, although now Owl is using a cup, good not to get them confused for hygiene.

Rather, it became symbolic of something larger for me - that I needed to teach him responsibility and self control - if he was able to do something, then I wanted him to do it. I dont require for instance that he dress himself, but I currently do require that he undress himself except for tops - which I give some help with.

I have noticed that I tend on the whole to require more competency than others - though not as much as some!

But lately, I have been worrying again about showing more grace - the whole cup issue made sparky a bit TOO worried about accidents, and I don't want him to feel he can't mistakes.

i have a vague memory of reading an article about this by someone like stephanie dowrick - anyone recall?

then of course there is the whole issue of different personalities - Sparky is very dtermined and has drive which will help him, but he is , oddly, not very independent - he likes you doing something for him. So I feel the need to encourage independence.

Owl, seems to be less driven - much more likely to give up on mastering something, but on the otherhand more independent. I think I will need to encourage him to persist.

a flair for the dramatic?

sparky - (sorry another cute anecdote!!!) - has been showing a very dramatic turn of speech lately. Instances:
1. yesterday when I was ignoring the repeated mum!s from the backseat of the car because you know I actually wanted to talk to my husband for a change. - he exclaimed with a flourish "Ladies and gentleman, I said MUM!"
2. today when we set off for a walk with Owl in the pram, he came up to the pram and announced (with perfect intonation too) Follow that pram!
I have the sneaking suspicion that a lot of the time he is in his own mind not a boy, but a ringmaster, or policeman or...... so I am left trying to work out at times what part I am currently playing.

sparky quotes

I couldn't resist sharing these with you.
1) Sparky - almost 3 - has just been looking at a baby pig on tv, which I tell him is called a piglet. After some time, he says to me "what do you call a baby hit?" thinking I know where this is going I suggest - "hitlet?" he says no, a high five! a deliberate joke as he burst out laughing.
2) Having just played a game with lofty (the crane from Bob the builder) lifting things, he says to me, mum, why isn't he called lifty? why indeed?

nicknames for my boys

Felt I should stop calling my kids by numbers. So we will call eldest son Sparky (he's bright and bubbly, chatty and charming, very adorable and very tiring) and for my baby, as an interim name, as he is still really to reveal himself - Owl ( he stays up late but mostly because he has a really wise little solemn face) though he has also been called Clancy (of the overflow) and Wellington (windy).

My husband has just commented he should have a nickname too. Have to think about that.

big babies

No 2 son has caught up already to No 1 son at the same age, despite being 3 weeks early. Now he is above average in size - trying to catch up to tall older brother. Considering I am only 5 foot, I am amazed I give birth to these big boys. I am sure this amazement will only increase. Anyone want to bet when they will catch up to Mum in height???