AS I said I saw this movie this week with Mim. (It was so good to get out Mim!) So much to say, and considering the plethora of Oscars, everyone else has already said it probably.
Thought I might share one thought, though. I was struck by the contrast between the subdued (though resilient) grownup Jamal and the cheekiness of the very young Jamal. Cheekiness is a quality hard to maintain in the face of horror and hardship.
As a mother coping with a child who is cheekiness personified (Scout, if you haven't worked that out already) I suddenly found myself hoping for a life for Scout which will retain that cheekiness to some degree in his grown up self.
Trailer below.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Middle age?
I turned 35 today, which my mum kindly called middle age - I insisted with greater life expectancy these days middle age must really start post 40!
I do feel a little different today. I had a major breakthrough with those people that solicit your attention at shopping centres (charity people, cosmetic salespeople...). I usually get stuck talking trying to be nice and think up excuses to go- not any longer! I just decided today that no, I owed nothing to these people except politeness, and I could be polite, honest and brief. So, to one person I said "thanks, I don't want to stop" with a smile. To another (a pushy salesperson) I said no thanks and when pressed, said no thanks, I'm just enjoying myself today, and smiled and left.
And I got great responses to this too- I think they appreciated my polite honesty.
So that's less being nice for me, and more doing good - cause I reckon there is a lot more niceness than actual goodness going around. And I am guilty of this as much as the next person.
So, my day? my lovely husband did kid duty while I went out by myself, then came home for cake with the kids. Takeaway at night and a DVD. Also saw slumdog millionaire the night before with Mim (see sidebar!). And came home to lots and lots of lovely Facebook messages!
I do feel a little different today. I had a major breakthrough with those people that solicit your attention at shopping centres (charity people, cosmetic salespeople...). I usually get stuck talking trying to be nice and think up excuses to go- not any longer! I just decided today that no, I owed nothing to these people except politeness, and I could be polite, honest and brief. So, to one person I said "thanks, I don't want to stop" with a smile. To another (a pushy salesperson) I said no thanks and when pressed, said no thanks, I'm just enjoying myself today, and smiled and left.
And I got great responses to this too- I think they appreciated my polite honesty.
So that's less being nice for me, and more doing good - cause I reckon there is a lot more niceness than actual goodness going around. And I am guilty of this as much as the next person.
So, my day? my lovely husband did kid duty while I went out by myself, then came home for cake with the kids. Takeaway at night and a DVD. Also saw slumdog millionaire the night before with Mim (see sidebar!). And came home to lots and lots of lovely Facebook messages!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
help needed from parents of school kids
I have recently begun buying Sparky's clothes for next year (I buy up clothes in sales and on ebay in advance and put them aside). Poor Scout mostly gets his brother's handmedowns.
When he was born, I asked my eldest cousin, mother of 4, how much clothing I needed to buy for each size and season and she gave me some very helpful guidelines (At the very least for summer and winter, they need enough tops and bottoms to have one on, one in the drawer, one in the wash and one on the line. 4 is essential, 6 plenty. And 2 church outfits. )
But I am thinking that with school uniforms, I will not need to buy as much mufti. And I will need to buy enough uniforms. The question I have, before I overbuy, is how much of each?
I have been thinking 3 uniforms and 3 non-uniforms, plus the usual 2 church outfits. So, parents of school age children please advise - is this a good plan? or are there some factors I need to know about?
When he was born, I asked my eldest cousin, mother of 4, how much clothing I needed to buy for each size and season and she gave me some very helpful guidelines (At the very least for summer and winter, they need enough tops and bottoms to have one on, one in the drawer, one in the wash and one on the line. 4 is essential, 6 plenty. And 2 church outfits. )
But I am thinking that with school uniforms, I will not need to buy as much mufti. And I will need to buy enough uniforms. The question I have, before I overbuy, is how much of each?
I have been thinking 3 uniforms and 3 non-uniforms, plus the usual 2 church outfits. So, parents of school age children please advise - is this a good plan? or are there some factors I need to know about?
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Equal Parenting?
I was intrigued to read an article recently about a couple who advocate a strict form of equal parenting, called Equally Shared Parenting. In this model, parents do the same amount of childcare, same amount of house tasks, and same hours at work.
Already, it sounds very inflexible doesn't it? It seems to me only some couples would have the ability to choose exactly equal hours at work - and in the present economic climate, employees will be grateful for retaining their job, even if it isn't exactly the right number of hours. Different jobs have a different degree of flexibility, too.
For us, my work is more flexible than my husband's work. I have also wanted to breastfeed, and with both sons was unable to pump. I have been blessed however, that Bhaer's work isn't high powered overtime kinda work, and so he has been working around a 4 day week while the kids are little, while I have worked a roughly 2.5 day week (20 hours), from 3 months old with both boys, including being able to do some of that work at home. So, because he works more hours at a paid job than myself, and also for 2 years was studying (both of us agreed it was the right time for him to do this) I have taken up more of the childcare and housework. This, I think, is a fair enough way to do things in the present state of society, and shouldn't be made to look like it somehow suppresses me as a woman (though you may argue that society as a whole should be more supportive of all parents!), or shortchanges our children.
Yet that said, when out of curiosity I went to their website, I found their approach did have something going for it. I used their toolbox, which enables you to calculate how many tasks of childcare, paid work, housework and recreation you each take on. The idea is that you try to even this out, which I don't think is necessary or always achievable.
Yet it was worthwhile to look at how we divide things.
I found that while I do do more housework, when all tasks are taken into consideration such as paying bills, or arranging house maintenance, Bhaer is doing more than I gave him credit for, especially given he does do more paid work. Perhaps then, if I am dissatisfied with this, it is that I want to share tasks rather then divide them up. It might be fairer then for me to say I could take on for instance some bill paying, if he does some more dishwashing, rather than make it sound like he does nothing. Or to acknowledge what he does, but admit that I need a bit more help (i.e. my needs, rather than his slackness being the issue).
I also discovered that neither of us gets much recreation. As a couple then, we need to help each other both do this, rather than sit around feeling pity for ourselves.
The area of real inequity (rather than just perceived) was strangely, in tasks to do with the children. It was not only that I did more childcare generally, which is how our arrangement works and was OK with me, but that I took on every child related task - some were shared, and many were just me, and there was only one task really that he did rather than me. Tasks included, for instance, buying pressies for kids' friends, managing the kids' wardrobes, packing the bag to go out. This has several consequences. Firstly, it is a hidden source of stress and work for me. This revealed why I felt overworked. It also meant that while I spend time with the kids doing tasks, when Bhaer is with them it can be more about fun. So it was unfair on me and the kids. But it was also unfair I think, for Bhaer. I then am perceived by the children as the one who gets things done and knows what's what. It is not that Bhaer refuses to do these things - it is just that he doesn't even think about them needing to be done. And I don't tell him. So, it told me that these tasks must also be considered when we review our schedules.
I guess where I come to after all that, is not to say we all should be splitting everything down the middle. That's not how life works (breastfeeding for instance, is hard to share equally.....). Rather, that however we decide to split things up, it can be helpful to do so in detail taking into account ALL the tasks of family life. That way, we can make informed decisions about how our family works, rather than falling into patterns that we may/may not be happy with, and may/may not work.
Hmm, what do I call that? Thoughtful, considered parenting perhaps?
Already, it sounds very inflexible doesn't it? It seems to me only some couples would have the ability to choose exactly equal hours at work - and in the present economic climate, employees will be grateful for retaining their job, even if it isn't exactly the right number of hours. Different jobs have a different degree of flexibility, too.
For us, my work is more flexible than my husband's work. I have also wanted to breastfeed, and with both sons was unable to pump. I have been blessed however, that Bhaer's work isn't high powered overtime kinda work, and so he has been working around a 4 day week while the kids are little, while I have worked a roughly 2.5 day week (20 hours), from 3 months old with both boys, including being able to do some of that work at home. So, because he works more hours at a paid job than myself, and also for 2 years was studying (both of us agreed it was the right time for him to do this) I have taken up more of the childcare and housework. This, I think, is a fair enough way to do things in the present state of society, and shouldn't be made to look like it somehow suppresses me as a woman (though you may argue that society as a whole should be more supportive of all parents!), or shortchanges our children.
Yet that said, when out of curiosity I went to their website, I found their approach did have something going for it. I used their toolbox, which enables you to calculate how many tasks of childcare, paid work, housework and recreation you each take on. The idea is that you try to even this out, which I don't think is necessary or always achievable.
Yet it was worthwhile to look at how we divide things.
I found that while I do do more housework, when all tasks are taken into consideration such as paying bills, or arranging house maintenance, Bhaer is doing more than I gave him credit for, especially given he does do more paid work. Perhaps then, if I am dissatisfied with this, it is that I want to share tasks rather then divide them up. It might be fairer then for me to say I could take on for instance some bill paying, if he does some more dishwashing, rather than make it sound like he does nothing. Or to acknowledge what he does, but admit that I need a bit more help (i.e. my needs, rather than his slackness being the issue).
I also discovered that neither of us gets much recreation. As a couple then, we need to help each other both do this, rather than sit around feeling pity for ourselves.
The area of real inequity (rather than just perceived) was strangely, in tasks to do with the children. It was not only that I did more childcare generally, which is how our arrangement works and was OK with me, but that I took on every child related task - some were shared, and many were just me, and there was only one task really that he did rather than me. Tasks included, for instance, buying pressies for kids' friends, managing the kids' wardrobes, packing the bag to go out. This has several consequences. Firstly, it is a hidden source of stress and work for me. This revealed why I felt overworked. It also meant that while I spend time with the kids doing tasks, when Bhaer is with them it can be more about fun. So it was unfair on me and the kids. But it was also unfair I think, for Bhaer. I then am perceived by the children as the one who gets things done and knows what's what. It is not that Bhaer refuses to do these things - it is just that he doesn't even think about them needing to be done. And I don't tell him. So, it told me that these tasks must also be considered when we review our schedules.
I guess where I come to after all that, is not to say we all should be splitting everything down the middle. That's not how life works (breastfeeding for instance, is hard to share equally.....). Rather, that however we decide to split things up, it can be helpful to do so in detail taking into account ALL the tasks of family life. That way, we can make informed decisions about how our family works, rather than falling into patterns that we may/may not be happy with, and may/may not work.
Hmm, what do I call that? Thoughtful, considered parenting perhaps?
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Movies coming soon - a non exhaustive list
Here are a list of up coming movies this year I am interested in. Very probably there are some great ones coming up that I ignore here because it is hard to tell from a plot synopsis how good something is, but here we have ones that have piqued my interest so far - and by the way, no links - come on people, use google for those you are interested in ;)
March:
slumdog millionaire - all those oscars and a feelgood tone...I think I will take myself for my birthday.
April
inkheart - based on book by Cornelia Funke. Read this recently. Fantasy based on children's books.
the boat that rocked - rock n roll film with bill nighy, rhys ifans phillip seymour hoffmann. kenneth branagh, director richard curtis. Looks fun
July
harry potter - how can I miss this?
september
fame - oh yeah, remember the tv series? remember, remember FAME! ahhh, I'm going to see this even if it's bad....
october
julie and julia
(streep, amy adams and cooking. Better go with a full tummy.)
december
where the wild things are - with Sparky? as long as not too scary?
late 2009 or early 2010:
Nine - a musical with daniel day lewis, judi dench, nciole kidman, mariona cotillard and more....you have to check out this cast list.
away we go: sam mendes, allison janney, maggie gyllenhaal.
March:
slumdog millionaire - all those oscars and a feelgood tone...I think I will take myself for my birthday.
April
inkheart - based on book by Cornelia Funke. Read this recently. Fantasy based on children's books.
the boat that rocked - rock n roll film with bill nighy, rhys ifans phillip seymour hoffmann. kenneth branagh, director richard curtis. Looks fun
July
harry potter - how can I miss this?
september
fame - oh yeah, remember the tv series? remember, remember FAME! ahhh, I'm going to see this even if it's bad....
october
julie and julia
(streep, amy adams and cooking. Better go with a full tummy.)
december
where the wild things are - with Sparky? as long as not too scary?
late 2009 or early 2010:
Nine - a musical with daniel day lewis, judi dench, nciole kidman, mariona cotillard and more....you have to check out this cast list.
away we go: sam mendes, allison janney, maggie gyllenhaal.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Lost in Austen
It was delightful watching the whole plot of Pride and Prejudice get subverted by the introduction of a contemporary character - I'm going to spend the entire week in anticipation of the second installment. Whether you like it or not might come down to whether you are the kind of person, as per Room with a View*, who likes comic songs or - not. I like comic songs. And I like this.
Now, did I blink and miss it somehow? Or did they NOT show the actual rendition of Downtown at the Bingley's house for some reason?
Well, here it is :
* one of the key moments in deciding that her fiance, Cecil, is after all, completely wrong for Lucy Honeychurch, is that he does not appreciate comic songs.
Now, did I blink and miss it somehow? Or did they NOT show the actual rendition of Downtown at the Bingley's house for some reason?
Well, here it is :
* one of the key moments in deciding that her fiance, Cecil, is after all, completely wrong for Lucy Honeychurch, is that he does not appreciate comic songs.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
I am not ashamed
My attention was caught by the tag line on an interview with Lily Allen in the sunday paper - I am not ashamed of anything I do.
How can she be so confident that everything she does can stand scrutiny? Because "I'm a well intentioned person".
This is a stance taken frequently these days - in the past, not lamented Big Brother days, those kicked off the show would often proclaim that they were not ashamed or had no regrets. This was often met with approval by the host and cheers from the audience. "I know I'm a good person".
I shudder to think what a world where no one any longer feels shame would be like. If it was a result of no bad things being done, then well and good. But, no shame no matter what you do is a terrifying thing. What they really mean is that they do not hold themselves responsible for the consequences of their own actions.
As the proverb says, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
I have done plenty of things to be ashamed about. Good thing then that I need not be ashamed of the gospel (Rom 1:16, Bible).
How can she be so confident that everything she does can stand scrutiny? Because "I'm a well intentioned person".
This is a stance taken frequently these days - in the past, not lamented Big Brother days, those kicked off the show would often proclaim that they were not ashamed or had no regrets. This was often met with approval by the host and cheers from the audience. "I know I'm a good person".
I shudder to think what a world where no one any longer feels shame would be like. If it was a result of no bad things being done, then well and good. But, no shame no matter what you do is a terrifying thing. What they really mean is that they do not hold themselves responsible for the consequences of their own actions.
As the proverb says, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
I have done plenty of things to be ashamed about. Good thing then that I need not be ashamed of the gospel (Rom 1:16, Bible).
Thursday, March 5, 2009
What has Scout been doing?
Scout and I are sick today - not fun.
I've just got the strength to share a Scout story. We discovered this week he can READ 4 words (and who knows what else). Yes, I have tested it a few times as I was flabbergasted.
They are: Sugar, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
Anyone guess how my 25 month old picked up those words?
I've just got the strength to share a Scout story. We discovered this week he can READ 4 words (and who knows what else). Yes, I have tested it a few times as I was flabbergasted.
They are: Sugar, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
Anyone guess how my 25 month old picked up those words?
Sunday, March 1, 2009
It's monday (otherwise known as swimming and ouma day)
Couldn't resist sharing this - Sparky was putting on pants due to a pre-breakfast accident, and I had told him to go put on his undies. Scount (25 months) was trying to say something to me, I was ignoring this as I was instructing Sparky. Finally I paid attention: "don't want undies. swimming. ouma's." Bhaer had told the boys it was Monday earlier. Scout was pointing out that Sparky doesn't wear undies Monday morning, as he goes to swimming in his swimmers, with Ouma (Bhaer's mum).
mincing around
I've been having some adventures with mince this weekend (kinda ironic I'm blogging this so soon after veggie post), cooking some new kid friendly, veggie full, easy and cheap mince meals. The food mags seem to have responded to the recession with mince meals, so I adapted a couple of them.
First up Saturday night was homemade sausage rolls (I made mine with veggie mince, but everyone elses' with veal mince). The difference with this homemade variety was lots of added veggies - grated carrot and zucchini, chopped onion, garlic and shallots, lemon zest and also some low fat cheese. Sparky ate it all up, Scout not so keen - I think I might use the zest more sparingly next time as I think that was his issue. Still ate a good amount. Tomato sauce had by all.
Tonight, we had savoury mince, an old favourite from childhood (I had something else this time, but will have to try a veggie version I think, after tasting the sauce for this one). Bhaer had never had savoury mince!!!! Bhaer and Sparky loved it, and Scout went pretty well. Lots of finely chopped veggies and onions thrown in, with lean beef mince, and a sauce made from soy sauce, flour, beef stock, and a french onion soup packet. I served it up on toast- Sparky had his first go of using a knife and fork properly. Scout was given the toast as finger food and the mince as spoon food. He enjoyed that! And Bhaer was so enamoured of his first taste of good ol savoury mince, he went back for seconds.
First up Saturday night was homemade sausage rolls (I made mine with veggie mince, but everyone elses' with veal mince). The difference with this homemade variety was lots of added veggies - grated carrot and zucchini, chopped onion, garlic and shallots, lemon zest and also some low fat cheese. Sparky ate it all up, Scout not so keen - I think I might use the zest more sparingly next time as I think that was his issue. Still ate a good amount. Tomato sauce had by all.
Tonight, we had savoury mince, an old favourite from childhood (I had something else this time, but will have to try a veggie version I think, after tasting the sauce for this one). Bhaer had never had savoury mince!!!! Bhaer and Sparky loved it, and Scout went pretty well. Lots of finely chopped veggies and onions thrown in, with lean beef mince, and a sauce made from soy sauce, flour, beef stock, and a french onion soup packet. I served it up on toast- Sparky had his first go of using a knife and fork properly. Scout was given the toast as finger food and the mince as spoon food. He enjoyed that! And Bhaer was so enamoured of his first taste of good ol savoury mince, he went back for seconds.
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