what we don't know

I have just started mentoring someone, and so I picked up John Mallison's book on mentoring which I had lying round the house. I opened it at a page which spoke about the qualities of a mentor. One thing that really struck me was that it spoke about the openness of a person, how we all have things about ourselves that are hidden from either ourselves or other people. It used a quadrant, where 1. known by all 2. known by us but hidden from others 3. known by others but hidden from ourselves 4. unknown by all. It was good if mentors had larger 1 quads and smaller 3 quads.

3 really got to me, and then a couple of days later a friend brought up this idea again, that we are often unaware of how we come across.

I've been wondering ever since what I am hiding from myself. Do I want to know or not? I guess it would be good ultimately to know, but kinda scary in the short term. Maybe I need to ask God to show me.

One experience like this I had when I was younger (though not strictly 3 - more how I was being misunderstood) - was that I came across to people as snobbish on first meeting when in reality I was very shy and was afraid that they wouldn't like me - and then they wouldn't because they thought I was judging them. It was very helpful to find this out!

oscar and cate

She may not have won an oscar this year .. but she is my pick for best dressed. And pregnant too - I just look like a round ball by that stage of my pregnancies (hmm being borderline 5 foot has something to do with it). Ok, I am a major Cate fan. If I could choose who I looked like, Cate would be the one. And if I could choose whose wardrobe I raided, Cate again.

Things I wish I knew before buying for a baby.

I typed this up for a pregnant friend so I thought I would sling it on here in case anyone found it useful - also so you can share your thoughts and I could pass those on to her as well - who knows we could maybe get a little manual going.....
NOTE: These are just my opinions after 2 boys. Others having different experiences may think differently!

Feeding
Buy a highchair with as few seams and crevices as possible – forget all the fancy stuff like padding – because you will be cleaning that thing after every meal for about a year and a half.
Bibs – both my boys worked out very quickly how to get these off. Velcro looks easy – and its easy for them too. Get large press stud fastening ones. Or just forgo them later on and accept that kids clothes do get stained.
If breastfeeding, keep those belly band things that you used to lengthen tops in pregnancy – great to fill in the gap and keep you warm when feeding.
Lots of plastic spoons – anything like me and mine, you will leave them behind everywhere.

Nappies and stuff
Sadly, with disposables, only huggies really work well, at least for night. You get your money’s worth from them. Next to that the aldi ones are OK.
Don’t get those special bins – they then charge you through the nose for refills. You will have to take the bag out daily anyway. And you get used to the smell of poo pretty quickly.
With a potty just get a basic cheapie, plus one of those inserts for the toilet.We had a super duper fancy potty for no 1 and my conclusion was it was just harder to clean.
And if you are going to use disposables, when people ask what to give you as a present say nappies!!! And get them to get you the size above newborn.
Change table is worth getting as saves your back.

Clothes.
For babies, the cheap classic stuff is much more useful . Let other people give you the cute going out stuff. Up to 6 months, all in one jumpsuits are easiest and most comfy. 6-12 months, I found leggings and a tee great for a crawler. If your kids are anything like both mine, at night you need warm pjs with feet in – both mine didn’t stay under the blanket – No 1 til about 2, and no 2 is going for the same time. Unless really hot, bonds suits for summer/spring and for winter, the very warm fleecy jobs.

Out and about
Something very light in a stroller, cause you lug that round a lot.
Nappy bag – get something that is practical AND stylish. You will be carrying it everywhere so do yourself a favour and have it look good.
A pouch is very handy IF your bub will go in it (no1 NO, no 2 YES) . And I never got, but wished I had, one of those sling things for very little bub to sleep in while you do stuff.
A portable highchair – didn’t have with first got with 2nd. Fantastic!!!! Just keep in the car.
A travel cot is worth the investment (we didn’t get one and kept borrowing my parents one).

Toiletries.
Depends on the kid, but mine really didn’t use powders, moisturisers, oils etc etc. All I needed for first 6 months was a top to toe J&J wash and nappy rash cream. After that used normal soap and a baby shampoo (DON’T get a cheap baby shampoo- cheap one hurt my kids’ eyes).

Toys
You WILL be given LOTS. Pre 6 months, a baby gym that you can fold up and take with you is great. Just buy off ebay. One thing I found great with both boys from about 6 months was a learn to walker (not the sit in ones, the push along ones) – get one that has another function like converts into a ride on.


Well , that’s all I can think of for now --------hope it helps!

(Just added a picture of a seamless easy clean highchair called the flair highchair, but it is pricy!)

Juno

We finally went out for our anniversary. We saw the movie Juno. It was good - the young actor who plays the title role is, as all are saying, very good. Without giving away the ending, I found myself very strongly wanting her to keep her baby and bring the baby up. Since becoming a mother I find the idea of someone other than myself raising my child one that causes me great distress. not because they woud do a bad job, but because I want to do it. quite apart from other considerations, this feeling is what keeps me from taking on full time work at the moment. I want to be their port in the storm, and the person who lights up their eyes when I enter the room.

Australia stops to say sorry

I wonder whether today will be another one of those moments “I can remember where I was when”.

I was at home with my kids watching the televised apology. If you aren’t aussie, and want to know what was going on today here , go visit this site http://www.sgalliance.org.au/

About time. Although I found some of Brendan Nelson’s inclusions in his speech today odd, to say the least (didn’t he know today was about saying sorry? Not to quibble over policy, for instance?) – how wonderful was it to see both sides of parliament join in the apology today, especially there was a time there when we thought we would never see it happen?

Yes, so much more needs to be done. But sorry is always a very good start. Even my 3 year old could understand that as I explained it to him this morning.

I added my apology to my facebook status today, and I join many other bloggers in adding a sorry post too. You hear people say that they weren’t responsible. Well, I am Australian, and my country was responsible – for that I am deeply sorry. I am also a white anglo-saxon Australian – I personally benefit from the social inequity in our society in which an indigenous person may expect 17 less years of life on average. For that I am very sorry.

You also hear people say that the past generations who were responsible had good intentions. There are a couple of things to say to that. Firstly, it wasn’t that long ago. The policies that resulted in the stolen generations only ended about 1970. Secondly, people of good intention need to always be ready to say sorry when they cause harm, even if they did not mean to. Their intentions may somewhat explain what happened, but they do not excuse it. I am the descendent of Australians who lived when those policies were operative. I apologise for them. I do not know what they did at the time, whether they were actively involved or they passively made no protest. But whether they actively harmed or passively did not help, either sin needs an apology.

I want to tell you about my Grandma, dead now for almost 25 years. She was a loving, generous, sacrificial Christian woman. She was known for this. I remember how I thought as a child I had an extra Uncle, and I only discovered later that he was a man my grandmother took in to help him out – supposedly for 6 weeks, but it turned into years. There are many other stories like this. She was conservative politically, and I would not be surprised if she thought these policies were a good idea at the time. Certainly though, she voted for governments that enacted these policies. She was a woman of good intentions, and I’m pretty sure I know what she would want to do if she had the knowledge we have today. I’m pretty sure she would want to say sorry. As her granddaughter, I say sorry.

Now, lets try to make things better.

Married with children

The title gives it away - if this isn't you I apologise in advance. If it is, I want to ask you a question. it was my 12th wedding anniversary on Sunday and as yet we haven't really done anything big for it (well we got takeaway - actually very nice takeaway!).

Sunday is a work day for me, so I was at work all day (fair enough! working on anniversaries, birthdays is to be expected - the world doesn't stop just because of it), and then we couldn't get babysitting that night, so we stayed home and got takeaway. I'm not complaining, because we plan to go out next weekend. Anyway, I wasn't upset - I was laughing about this with my husband, becuase 10 years ago, I would have been upset, but since having kids, your expectations change and just having the kids asleep while we ate takeaway was great! Though we did trap 4 mice that night, which was a bit sad and not celebratory! (I struggle with wanting to get rid of the mice, but feeling bad about killing them...........perhaps because they are cute and furry, as cockroaches don't worry me at all)

Anyway, it made me think that even though we were both OK with it, that now Owl isn't a baby anymore, I should do some more things towards the health of our marriage. I don't want to talk about putting the romance, passion or excitement back in, because I think that these terms often conceal a shallow view of marriage that it is all about that buzzy first love feeling. No, what I want to know is NOT how to keep the romance in the marriage, but how to keep the closeness - a different and deeper thing. So, that is my question - how do you other couples with little kids keep the closeness in your marriage? We try to get time together whenever we manage it, but so far haven't instituted any routines about this - has anyone else? did it prove useful? and what did you do?

The image is of the wonderful roti canai we had from makan at alices (see review here, which is where I got the pic)

Every now and then there is an ad

Anyone seen the new Bonds easysuit ad?

see it by clicking picture to go to website

I don't know why but it makes me feel all ahhhhh. Could be the soft sweetly unusual version of twinkle twinkle. Or the baby falling asleep at the end. Just shows how exceedingly sentimental I have got since I have had kids. No apologies.

What I'll be watching

2 things have me thinking about what I'll be watching.

One, non ratings period is about to finish. At the start of ratings period every year, I always get very excited about new programs. This is despite the fact that usually about 3 weeks in, I decide only about 1 of these new programs are worth watching, and the others are only "new" in the most superficial of senses. But hope springs eternal.

Two, Owl having reached the advanced age of one, we have already gone to more movies over the holidays than we did in the preceding year (2 as opposed to 0). We hope to see more this year. This hope may have a better chance than the first.

So, without further ado -

New TV I wish to try:

ABC - see here for new stuff

documentary In the company of actors tomorrow night

drama series East of everything - great cast

jane Austen Fourplay - 4 Austens!! billy piper as fanny price? intriguing or bizarre?....(see piccie above)

10 - see here

not thrilled with anything so far - will check out latest reality offerings such as biggest loser, idol.

May try Back to you with Kelsey Grammer - preview I saw only so-so

9

pushing daisies - I wasn't that keen, but then I watched the preview. Worth a go.

may try Cashmere Mafia - or this may really really bug me. But aussies in it (Frances O Connor and Miranda Otto) mean I will give it a whirl.

7 whats new

may try Samantha Who - not sure

SBS - will have to wait as I couldn't get on to website.

Films I wish to see: see next post!

it's not like the good old days...

Due to small kids, I have eaten things that I hadn't eaten for a long time. Among these are biccies. Anyone else noticed that they don't make em like they used to?

Cases in point:
Gingernut biccies: these used to be so hard that a loose tooth would come out when you bit into them. Now they crumble at the least bite. You used to have to dip them into your glass of milk. How do kids get their loose teeth out now?
Tic Tocs, Hundreds and Thousands, Honey Jumbles: a thin skimpy layer of icing where once a thick sweet crust reigned. Oh, and Hundreds and thousands should be renamed Ones and Tens. Though maybe this is nutritionally better.

According to this site, which reviews biccies (oh yeah..........don't you just love the net) , the gingernut has different recipes in different states, with NSW the hardest - well not anymore in my opinion.

ON THE OTHER HAND: I still say there is nothing like an Arnotts biccie. My husband is a Kiwi, and he prefers the NZ verions of biccies. They do not measure up! (Ok nostalgia plays a big role here)

I feel I need to add here that my kids do eat fruit, vegetables, wholegrains and these biccies are part of a balanced diet ;)

a week is a long time in blogland

Well, sorry I haven't blogged for a week - it's been busy! Why? Sparky starting preschool, for one thing. I have photos, but haven't got round to loading to computer....

Good thing last week I sent myself a weekly blog task of appreciating the week that was, or I might not be blogging now.

This week:
1. Sparky having the dream preschool start. No tears, no dramas, and the teacher says he is happy and confident. Ah bliss.
2. Sparky confident at his second swimming lesson - what made this even better was that he afterwards told me that he was a little scared, but that he was Ok and he enjoyed it. So it wasn't fearlessness, but good fear coping strategies.
3. Spending time with Owl while Sparky at preschool. As a consequence, or at least it seemed that way to me, Owl seemed to develop by leaps and bounds this week - he nods for yes, shakes for no, and said lots more words. Very helpful, though still screams for drink.
4. getting more on top of the housework, because of 1.
5. reading lots more lately - I am currently reading the memoirs of Canon SB Babbage which fills you in on the anglican scene in Oz last century - interesting (but then I really like Trollope too, in particular the barsetshire chronicles) - perhaps more interesting to me too because I am related by marriage to him, as well as being a past recipient of a prize named after him!