Oh no! It's the Gruffalo!

Anyone read this book with their kids? Sparky went through a stage of being into this one - a gorgeous story with a couple of twists, showing that the small are not without their own resources. Though not exactly a morality tale - more about the power of wit! Well, the show is coming to Australia, pitched at 3-7 year olds. Anyone interested in going? The possibilities in Sydney are Seymour Centre 16-30 May ($17-25 each, depending - complex ticketing!), Penrith Q Theatre 4-5 June (all tickets $15 or 4 for $55), Parramatta Riverside 19 June (18 each or 65 for family). Yes, the further out from the CBD, it seems, the cheaper.

* book available from Amazon (where pic from)

The games kids play

Nicole blogged about playing snakes and ladders (frustratingly too punitive snakes) and slamwich (a hit!) with her kids. Might need to get that one.

Sparky is at the age where games start being really fun, but Scout is still at the throw the pieces around the room and start a bunfight with your brother stage. I'm hoping next year we might start being able to get them to play them together.

We recently bought Boggle for Bhaer and myself (with an eye to the future) and so Sparky got out his Children's Boggle. There is a multi player version of this game, but so far we have only used the single player version. Sparky has been reading for a long time but his writing has really only just started taking off - this game is great for kids at that stage.

Another couple of games we have for Sparky that have been used only rarely so far - due to Scout - are Happy Families and The Shopping List game (which is one of the many memory games out there). He enjoys both of these. I grew up playing with my Dad's charming old happy families pack from the 50s (outdated socially though as all the dads were the workers) but sadly no one knows where it is.

We also have children's scrabble, which hasn't really caught on with him yet - I think its easy version is now too easy and the hard version still too hard.

Other games that I remember fondly from childhood and I'm keen to introduce the kids to, include:

Uno

Chinese Checkers (Lovely old set of Dad's -missing??)

Battleships (forget the plastic versions - we always just played with paper)

Careers (I enjoyed this much more than Monopoly, I think because you could strive for happiness as well as money. Again used Dad's and missing)

Connect 4

Guess who (my brother and I loved this and never owned it)

I also loved a game which had no winners and was all about learning about each other and cooperating but my brother hated it. I would have to do a deal with him where I played a game of monopoly and he played one of my game - can't remember what it was called now.

As a teenager, I would add Trivial pursuit and Pictionary and Cheat (note that I have linked here to the wikipedia article which gives an alternative and more scatalogical title to the game...).

Which games do your children enjoy? and which do you remember fondly from your own childhood?

*I got the image from the Games Empire website, which is where we bought Boggle - a great games and lego shop online and in Marsfield with competitive prices.

Proliferation of increasingly narrower genres aka Thomas the Tank Engine does Queen

I recently introduced my boys to Youtube. Sheer foolishness on my part I know, as now I get pestered.

But what has struck me is the development of genres and subgenres within Youtube, I assume becasue of its capacity to reach such a broad base of people.

My boys have a liking for the Thomas the Tank engine genre. Within that I have dicovered subgenres such as what I call Tommypop, thomas images set to a familiar pop/rock song and Tommycam, re-enactments of TTE stories (or sometimes original) using TTE toys. I have included an example of Tommypop above (with a song by Queen - can you guess?)

Enchanted forest

Isn't this gorgeous? I wish I could justify buying it. You know how partial I am to owls! Don't even ask how much it costs. It is from a website called cocoon couture. They have other smaller less pricey things too - some gorgeous cushions and santa sacks - do you realise it is only 3 months to Chrstmas?

Raising children in community

I've blogged about this topic before, but it hit me again this week to wonder how much more stressed women are in childrearing since the advent of the nuclear family and women being isolated at home all day with young kids.

It came to mind because I spent Tuesday this week at my cousin's house, tag team childcare, as she and I had various things we had to get done during that day and so we pooled our resources and I stayed at her place for the day (Thanks R!) At times, both of us were there - sharing looking after the kids and working on our computers. The kids always had one of us ready to pay attention to them, if not both of us. I really enjoyed the day - being able to chat occasionally and share the duties. It brought to mind other days where I have spent the day with other women and their children, and we have commented that the day seems easier and faster when you do it together. Now, it isn't always convenient or desirable to do this, but I think such a model reflects older cultural village style society, and I reckon this is how we are intended to do it. If only we didn't think that this means we are failing, and that going it alone is some kind of test of motherhood!

By the way if you were wondering why I haven't blogged for a while - it was my birthday a week ago, my husband's been away, and my mum is in hospital, among just some of the things going on.........

Married with children

The title gives it away - if this isn't you I apologise in advance. If it is, I want to ask you a question. it was my 12th wedding anniversary on Sunday and as yet we haven't really done anything big for it (well we got takeaway - actually very nice takeaway!).

Sunday is a work day for me, so I was at work all day (fair enough! working on anniversaries, birthdays is to be expected - the world doesn't stop just because of it), and then we couldn't get babysitting that night, so we stayed home and got takeaway. I'm not complaining, because we plan to go out next weekend. Anyway, I wasn't upset - I was laughing about this with my husband, becuase 10 years ago, I would have been upset, but since having kids, your expectations change and just having the kids asleep while we ate takeaway was great! Though we did trap 4 mice that night, which was a bit sad and not celebratory! (I struggle with wanting to get rid of the mice, but feeling bad about killing them...........perhaps because they are cute and furry, as cockroaches don't worry me at all)

Anyway, it made me think that even though we were both OK with it, that now Owl isn't a baby anymore, I should do some more things towards the health of our marriage. I don't want to talk about putting the romance, passion or excitement back in, because I think that these terms often conceal a shallow view of marriage that it is all about that buzzy first love feeling. No, what I want to know is NOT how to keep the romance in the marriage, but how to keep the closeness - a different and deeper thing. So, that is my question - how do you other couples with little kids keep the closeness in your marriage? We try to get time together whenever we manage it, but so far haven't instituted any routines about this - has anyone else? did it prove useful? and what did you do?

The image is of the wonderful roti canai we had from makan at alices (see review here, which is where I got the pic)

it's not like the good old days...

Due to small kids, I have eaten things that I hadn't eaten for a long time. Among these are biccies. Anyone else noticed that they don't make em like they used to?

Cases in point:
Gingernut biccies: these used to be so hard that a loose tooth would come out when you bit into them. Now they crumble at the least bite. You used to have to dip them into your glass of milk. How do kids get their loose teeth out now?
Tic Tocs, Hundreds and Thousands, Honey Jumbles: a thin skimpy layer of icing where once a thick sweet crust reigned. Oh, and Hundreds and thousands should be renamed Ones and Tens. Though maybe this is nutritionally better.

According to this site, which reviews biccies (oh yeah..........don't you just love the net) , the gingernut has different recipes in different states, with NSW the hardest - well not anymore in my opinion.

ON THE OTHER HAND: I still say there is nothing like an Arnotts biccie. My husband is a Kiwi, and he prefers the NZ verions of biccies. They do not measure up! (Ok nostalgia plays a big role here)

I feel I need to add here that my kids do eat fruit, vegetables, wholegrains and these biccies are part of a balanced diet ;)

easy peasy tasty hasty kid's cooking

Well I had an idea.... I've just been making some Sparky meals and freezing them today, and thought - why don't we share our easy peasy tasty hasty tried, tested and true kid's meals? oh they can be for the whole family too! and if you have some allergies or what have you you have to deal with, then please contribute one of your recipes so we know what to make when a kid with that allergy or so on comes round for tea.

So, from me - this is the help i'm running out of things to feed him and haven't been to the super market in a while and I've only got a spare 10 mins to cook for him...and can I keep costs down too??

2Min noodles gourmet
2 packs 2 min chicken noodles any brand - aldi if being cheap works well - of course if you want something more upmarket any noodles work.
some chopped vegies - can be frozen! or whatever is knocking round the fridge and needs eating up - one combo i use is peas, mushrooms and ham.
some meat - chopped up ham, or mince of any meat type works well.
some oil, oil spray or butter to grease the pan.

Then if you want a creamy sauce (this works nice with ham) 300ml or more of cream (don't worry, pouring or thickened seems to work well - I use leftover cream of any description).
If you want a chinese style sauce (goes well with pork mince), use soy sauce and any other ones similar hanging out in your fridge door (hoisin, maggi seasoning sauce go well).

Squash noodles while in packet - now they are easy to eat for littlies. prepare as per instructions,. meanwhile, brown meat in saucepan. add vegies, add your combo of sauces/cream to taste - simmer til vegies soft. Add flavour packets (or only part of them if want to reduce sodium intake) to noodles, then drain noodles, but reserve half liquid and add to pan with noodles. stir and warm together - then voila! some meals (number depending on appetite).

virtues for children

I borrowed a book from the local library the other day which I still haven't got around to reading much of (yes I read the fiction first...........). It is called Character building - written by a catholic educationalist. It lists a whole lot of virtues we should aim to inculcate in our children. Even without reading this book, just looking at the chpater headings has been making me think about a virtue focussed upbringing. I think it is quite a handy way to be thoughtful and intentional as a parent, as you can have the virtues you want for them in your head (by the way, I feel for the sake of honesty that I should say I have my days when being intentional as a parent is not on the rader and instead having us all get through the day in one piece is more the goal ;) ). Here is his list of virtues:
audacity (more like boldness for the good). flexibility. fortitude. friendship. generousity. humility. industriousness. justice.loyalty. moderation (more like lack of ostentation). modesty (more like respect of privacy). Obedience. Orderliness. Optimism. Patience. Patriotism (which aslso supports other countries). Perserverance. Prudence. Respect for others. Responsibility. Simplicity (more like authenticity). Sincerity. Sociability. Understanding.

Negatives first:
1. In the bit I have read, he suggests that before 7, you can only really concentrate on 3 virtues - obedience, sincerity and orderliness. I think this is rather pessimistic and limiting, though I notice he does address small kids when he looks at the other virtues.
2. Where is love or grace or compassion?? Certainly several of these virtues would be acting in love, but I would like to have this emphasised.
3. Not all virtues are of equal importance - I certainly am not sure I would focus on patriotism - though perhaps I would prefer to call this social responsility, and act on a global as well as local scale. (By the way, I am actually a very patriotic person, but I'm not sure how important it is that I am!)

Positives:
1. Many of these are directly biblically based, while others may be supported more indirectly. Others are wise ways to deal with life.
2. I think this list is quite widereaching and encourages you to think about qualities that otherwise you might forget.
Some I have been thinking about with my kids lately:
Flexibility - the book makes it clear this is not flexibility about all things! Some things we need to stand firm on. I have been thinking about this with Sparky, as he as I have mentioned before is very structured - which sometimes verges on the obsessional, and I think it is helpful for me to not pander to his self imposed rules, for his sake, as life will be easier if he is flexible, and for the sake of others because I think flexibility can be a real other centred virtue.
Fortitude - this is something I have been intentional about with both kids, though perhaps I think not giving enough sympathy at times, as Sparky is now refusing cuddles sometimes when he is hurt, so I think I need now to stress that it is OK to get the help you need! I think it is good for even small kids to realise that sometimes things can be hard, and it is better to carry on and do your best rather than whinging. I think this results in children who are competent, and also ones who will not look for someone to blame (like God!) or someone to revenge themselves on when things don't go their way. After all, as Rom 5:3-5 says: And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. (NRSV)
Understanding - lately I have been trying to awaken empathy in Sparky - this is an uphill battle with a 3 year old, and maybe overly ambitious, but we will see!

What virtues are you focussing on? Are there any you would take off from the list? any you would add?

childrearing and personality

Bhaer and I have been thinking a lot about how our parenting methods need to take account of personality. We are both very aware, for instance, that as introverts, we shouldn't see Sparky's extraversion as naughtiness just because it is different (and sometimes annoying...).

Just the other day, Sparky told me he liked squiggly things - like worms and drawing squiggles. This made me think of the very basic personality test of what shape you like. There are 5 shapes and one is a squiggle. I wondered whether it worked for him. Well, not completely - for a 3 year old he isn't messy and disorganised. But he is "creative, flamboyant, dramatic, and witty" and "very easily bored, requiring constant stimulation". See here. You can check out yourself - I'm a circle, with a little squiggliness.

I have often wondered what his Myers Brigg type is - it is hard to know for a young child, but we are guessing an ENFJ (though not as sure about middle letters).

Owl is still a baby, so hard to guess at him, but he is generally quieter (not always), and more self directed.

I'm thinking I might like to look into books like the one pictured above - which I found here on Amazon.

What about your kids? How do their personality types shape how you parent?

what do you do with them?

I am interested to know what others with small kids do with them all day.

I have this guilt thing that I should be providing just the right amount of stimulation in a range of areas. That I should be highly organised and thoughtful about this. Those who know me as the unstructured person I am will probably guess this is not the case. With Sparky, I did provide a lot of stimulation, basically because he demands a lot of attention as an extravert and I had to think of things to do with him so I didn't get bored. Then for the first few months post Owl, I was really busy with him as the frequent feeder, bad sleeper he was, and so Sparky was left to fend for himself a lot more (self directed play is good, right?). Now Owl himself is playing, as he is now at the cruising round the furniture stage and opening doors etc. But Owl is a lot more naturally self directed, and Sparky has learnt to be. Though he now tries to organise me with what he has decided to do - yesterday I kept coming into the kitchen finding ingredients and implements for baking cakes had been taken out - Yes Sparky had decided we should bake - he knew what to get out, too! Actually Sparky has taken to turning off the TV in the morning and telling me he has finished with the TV now - I am starting to get the impression from this and many other incidents that Sparky may be a structured personality - a J, in Myers Brigg speak.

I actually allow myself to be directed by him to some extent - so I don't tend to organise craft, for instance, but if he asks for it, will provide it. So he does paint, draw, use playdough, use stickers on a regular basis - though highly structured craft is left for playgroup. I always read a book to him at bedtime, but often he asks for others during the day too. He has been learning to read as well, because he started reading words by himself almost a year ago, I nearly fell over in astonishment and figured maybe I should teach him too if he is interested- but this goes up and down depending on whats going on for me. I used to put on music for him and play music and sing and dance with him before owl, but I don't really get round to this at the moment. Maybe when Owl is a little older it will be something both can do, and I might do it then.

Poor Owl, I keep remembering that at that age I spent lots more time with Sparky, teaching him to walk, showing him things, talking to him, reading books - how do second children learn anything? ?

I find with 2 kids that I have more housework to do, that can't be put off, and as Owl is a light sleeper, I can't do it when he is asleep. So that means they get left to play more by themselves than when I had 1.

my mind says they are going ok, and that this is good for them, to learn to amuse themselves, but my fears say I must get the right amount of everything in! and maybe I am failing them if I don't....

catch up (plus some discussion of gifts)

I haven't blogged for a week, so i thought I would do a catch up blog.

The reason for my extended silence was Sparky's 3rd bday, Bhaer's study schedule, Sparky getting a tummy bug, Owl getting his first tooth, and my work schedule.

It all happens at once doesn't it?!!

Sparky's bday involved lots of assembling - a bike, a swing set, a blow up trampoline (still haven't finished the swing set...). And contrary to popular stereotypes, I am better at this than Bhaer, so a lot of it became my job. I will certainly be much more alert to assembly requirements at Christmas. Could be a deal breaker...

Sparky certainly in my opinion received too much, though this was due to the love and generousity of all the lovely people in our lives. (Bhaer and I only gave him 2 pressies - a bike and a book.) Perhaps I am misremembering, but children seem to have many more toys today than when I was growing up - what do others think?

As well as Sparky's gifts, we put together a gift for a child with less than him - we got a shoebox ready for OPERATION CHRISTMAS CHILD. We chose to fill a box for a boy 2-4 yo - i.e. the same as Sparky. Sparky seemed most concerned that we had to buy a toothbrush - I think this truly brought home to him how much less some children have. He chose what we gave (well I chose what we would give, but he chose which one of each thing). He chose everything that he would have liked (which I think is deep love from 3yo) and has shown no desire to claim the things for himself. We had a bit of a hiccup with buying all this - Bhaer met up with me at the end of the shop and paid for the entire supermarket shop while I went and fed Owl. He then left the bag containing the pressies at the supermarket accidently. So we had to go back the next day and go round the shelves again and get these again (not pay for them, the supermarket were understanding), and while this annoyed me, it ended up I think helping Sparky to really get the whole concept worked out. If you are interested in doing it, see here for the list of what to pack and previous link for where to send.

cute evil?

I just bought a bday cake book for Ethan to choose his bday cake from - and what really annoyed me was that for the 6 bday cake - in shape of 6 - it was a little devil. This always bugs me! I hate that you can get little devil costumes for toddlers, and little devil cuddly toys or valentines - what is cute about evil? You may think I'm overreacting, but I think it is very clever and subtle way of making us feel that talking about absolute evil is somehow a bit silly - thus allowing it to go on all around us.

sparky quotes

I couldn't resist sharing these with you.
1) Sparky - almost 3 - has just been looking at a baby pig on tv, which I tell him is called a piglet. After some time, he says to me "what do you call a baby hit?" thinking I know where this is going I suggest - "hitlet?" he says no, a high five! a deliberate joke as he burst out laughing.
2) Having just played a game with lofty (the crane from Bob the builder) lifting things, he says to me, mum, why isn't he called lifty? why indeed?

facebook addiction

I would like to confess my new facebook addiction. Part of the addiction is that it is engineered to have things happen to you everyday or to people you know, so you feel like you should check back to find out....

But I have found facebook a good thing because:
- 1) many of my friends who are parents with small kids are on it. This time of your life can be quite isolating - this gives us some degree of community and support without leaving the house.
- 2) there are many people I know and like who I would love to spend time with or get to know better but can't because of 1) or because they live too far away. This enables me to keep some degree of friendship going until a later time when there might be more chance to catch up
- 3) it is good with church people, now I can know what is going on for them sooner - as a part time pastor this helps.

it isn't a substitute for depth interaction face-to-face or even on the phone, but it fills in the gaps until this can happen.

theology and kids

Story one: we read a book on Easter at playgroup and I asked Sparky about it later that day. That book was about Jesus mummy, not Easter. Easter is about Jesus I reply. Gales of laughter from Sparky. No mummy, Easter is about Eggs. Ok I may be a pastor, but how do you teach a 2 year old about the cross?

Story two: Last night, I was singing Jesus loves the little children to Sparky before bed. This always ends up with multiple verses Jesus loves all the Sparkys, Owls, Daddies and Mummies, at Sparky's urging. I wasn't feeling in charity with my family, the world or God really. As I sung each verse, I realised the simple truth of this song "they are precious in his sight" and my failure to live by it. I had been disciplining Sparky all day - necessary, but how could I try to bring in more grace with the truth I had been giving him? (see Cloud and Townsend Raising Great Kids :parenting with Grace and Truth, and Kimmel's Grace based parenting) . I was running out of patience with Owl, who is a bad sleeper, losing sight of how all this would fade in memory as he grew. I was taking out my frustration on my husband - thinking cynical thoughts about men generally. Forgetting that he was my ally in this difficult business of bringing up children. And I had certainly forgotten Jesus loved me, feeling like a grit your teeth hopeless unappreciated drudge. It occurred to me society doesn't appreciate mummies enough, but Jesus does - the Jesus that cared for his mother even as he died. I think I need to go back to Sunday School.

things I miss

things I miss from my life pre 2 kids (currently 11 weeks and 2.5 years):

thinking. I can't get very far into any abstract thought at moment due to both sleep deprivation and intervening thoughts like - when is Owl (the baby) going to want to feed next? has Sparky gone to the toilet enough today?

working outside the home. or doing anything that takes me out of home and home concerns for longer than half an hour- though I'm back at work soon - excited but apprehensive.

cooking elaborate creations

eating slowly

watching movies (even on DVD, they take too long at the moment)

Having something to talk (or blog) about that doesn't involve small children

To be honest, I'm meant to be all "aren't babies wonderful", but instead I'm very keen for latest one to be at least crawling!!!!! doing something!!! showing ability to get beyond baby age!!!

A room of one's own

I an writing this as our night owl baby is still sitting up with us in the evening resisting sleep. I have totally forgotten whether our first used to do this -I have tried to recall but have come up blank. I think sleep deprivation has a continuation of the species purpose - you forget a lot of the difficult baby times and go and have another one. I am just thinking come on baby, get out of my hair. He's not being especially difficult, not screaming. It's just that I am desperate for personal space. I have discovered that 2 kids seriously gets in the way of my introverted need for personal space and time. When one is out of your hair, the other one is in it. It's amazing how necessary that time alone and not touching another being is for me (so cuddling baby while I watch TV doesn't count). And the constant noise! chatter from 2 year old and crying from the baby. My idea of paradise at the moment would be to have no one to talk to or interact with for a whole day. It doesnt matter what I was doing for that day - I could be doing housework. Just with NO-ONE around. Virginia Woolf wrote a famous essay (title as mine above) which suggested women wouldn't acheive the way that men do without having a room of their own - i.e. the ability to get away from the demands of home. What about an apartment, I say???

individualistic culture v women

I'm going to make a grand sweeping historical statement here, but in general I believe, in most cultures at most times, women were not expected to be at home by themselves all day everyday looking after several children and the household by themselves. In our western post industrial, go it alone, nuclear family culture, we think the women who struggle with this are suffering with depression, rather than having an entirely appropriate reaction to their situation. But I think children are meant to be brought up by the extended family and the community. One thing that impresses me about chinese culture ( I work at a chinese church) is that the expectation is that grandparents will provide live in help for a few months after the birth of a baby. This comes with restrictions on the activities of the mother that we might chafe against, but recognises I think, that babies are a responsibility that requires support. My belief is that God intended this: a whole loving community to bring up children together, though with the main input from the parents. I think we are too affected by culture in how we do this as western christians. Part of the problem is us, the mums - we need to be less proud, and more willing to accept help.

Other women are awe inspiring and scary

another blog re kids - ok I intend to write about more cerebral things some time - anyway - now i am a 2 boy mum and I am now even more in awe of those women with more than 2 children. I know women with 3 or 4 children, who also manage to be fantastic cooks, cooking food for friends who have had babies or illnesses, who remember birthdays making homemade cards and presents, who volunteer in various capacities, who perhaps do some paid work, who do some form of creative outlet such as scrapbooking or needlework or writing, who are loving mothers and wives and really good friends to others. All this, and some of them have husbands who arent there much. My husband is around quite a bit, but the juggling act seems still a huge one to me, and I an happy to survive in a slapdash slovenly manner, as long as the food under the couch is younger than me, I feel I'm doing well.....