13 year anniversary

Bhaer and I have been married 13 years (married 10.2.96).

If you have ever wondered why I call him that, it goes back to one of the first movies we saw together - Little Women (1994). Gabriel Byrne plays Friedrich Bhaer. A great big gentle quiet bear of a man who is older than his beloved Jo. Bhaer is 5 years older than me which seemed a great deal at the time though not so much now.

Lots of love to you, Bhaer xoxoxoox.

Below is a clip from the movie - the marriage proposal.

Married with children

The title gives it away - if this isn't you I apologise in advance. If it is, I want to ask you a question. it was my 12th wedding anniversary on Sunday and as yet we haven't really done anything big for it (well we got takeaway - actually very nice takeaway!).

Sunday is a work day for me, so I was at work all day (fair enough! working on anniversaries, birthdays is to be expected - the world doesn't stop just because of it), and then we couldn't get babysitting that night, so we stayed home and got takeaway. I'm not complaining, because we plan to go out next weekend. Anyway, I wasn't upset - I was laughing about this with my husband, becuase 10 years ago, I would have been upset, but since having kids, your expectations change and just having the kids asleep while we ate takeaway was great! Though we did trap 4 mice that night, which was a bit sad and not celebratory! (I struggle with wanting to get rid of the mice, but feeling bad about killing them...........perhaps because they are cute and furry, as cockroaches don't worry me at all)

Anyway, it made me think that even though we were both OK with it, that now Owl isn't a baby anymore, I should do some more things towards the health of our marriage. I don't want to talk about putting the romance, passion or excitement back in, because I think that these terms often conceal a shallow view of marriage that it is all about that buzzy first love feeling. No, what I want to know is NOT how to keep the romance in the marriage, but how to keep the closeness - a different and deeper thing. So, that is my question - how do you other couples with little kids keep the closeness in your marriage? We try to get time together whenever we manage it, but so far haven't instituted any routines about this - has anyone else? did it prove useful? and what did you do?

The image is of the wonderful roti canai we had from makan at alices (see review here, which is where I got the pic)

tv versus internet

Only a few years ago, i was astounded that the gen yers that i knew really didn't watch Tv and instead spent time on the net. I didn't use the net until I was an adult, at my first job post uni - in 1996 - and didn't get it at home until 1999.

i have enjoyed it from the start, but as i grew up on tv not net, i didn't see tv watching getting taken over.

but i have to admit, the net is drawing me in more and tv is drawing me less. Surfing, ebay, facebook, blogs, email - on the net i can direct what I am interested in a lot more, rather than being stuck with the very few options of today's free to air tv.

As a relational kinda girl, I am interested though in how it affects these - I think it is good for relationships outside my family - instead of sitting watching tv i am often on the net interacting. but i think it isn't as good for my r/ship with my husband - tv watching can be a shared activity, but with the net we sit in different rooms - even now we are watching tv, but i am also on the net.

parenting a multi person job

My husband has been away for a week - gets back today. So been me and the boys, with some hands on help from grandparents, and some phone support from friends. I really feel for single parents - it is very hard to do it by yourself - very tempting to let things slip too. Though I don't agree its a 2 person job, parenting - more like a 10 person job!!!! Welcome home, my partner in parenting.

personality and marriage

in the discussion of personality we are having (see also iloveasunnyday blog)

another interesting point: what personalities make good marriages?
andrew and cec - see blog below on blogging and type - enfj and entj. This may be a very good match - not all the same, so there is complementarity, especially on the male/female related dimension of T/F , but also enough the same to give compatibility.

My husband and I are the same type..... we agree a lot, which is nice, and like doing a lot of the same things. But it means we have the same weaknesses. 2 Ps is very chaotic - I find myself as the moderate P having to be J in the marriage. He has to do likewise on T, as I am an extreme F.

However, we do come out as different personalities on Enneagram.