childrearing and personality

Bhaer and I have been thinking a lot about how our parenting methods need to take account of personality. We are both very aware, for instance, that as introverts, we shouldn't see Sparky's extraversion as naughtiness just because it is different (and sometimes annoying...).

Just the other day, Sparky told me he liked squiggly things - like worms and drawing squiggles. This made me think of the very basic personality test of what shape you like. There are 5 shapes and one is a squiggle. I wondered whether it worked for him. Well, not completely - for a 3 year old he isn't messy and disorganised. But he is "creative, flamboyant, dramatic, and witty" and "very easily bored, requiring constant stimulation". See here. You can check out yourself - I'm a circle, with a little squiggliness.

I have often wondered what his Myers Brigg type is - it is hard to know for a young child, but we are guessing an ENFJ (though not as sure about middle letters).

Owl is still a baby, so hard to guess at him, but he is generally quieter (not always), and more self directed.

I'm thinking I might like to look into books like the one pictured above - which I found here on Amazon.

What about your kids? How do their personality types shape how you parent?

what do you do with them?

I am interested to know what others with small kids do with them all day.

I have this guilt thing that I should be providing just the right amount of stimulation in a range of areas. That I should be highly organised and thoughtful about this. Those who know me as the unstructured person I am will probably guess this is not the case. With Sparky, I did provide a lot of stimulation, basically because he demands a lot of attention as an extravert and I had to think of things to do with him so I didn't get bored. Then for the first few months post Owl, I was really busy with him as the frequent feeder, bad sleeper he was, and so Sparky was left to fend for himself a lot more (self directed play is good, right?). Now Owl himself is playing, as he is now at the cruising round the furniture stage and opening doors etc. But Owl is a lot more naturally self directed, and Sparky has learnt to be. Though he now tries to organise me with what he has decided to do - yesterday I kept coming into the kitchen finding ingredients and implements for baking cakes had been taken out - Yes Sparky had decided we should bake - he knew what to get out, too! Actually Sparky has taken to turning off the TV in the morning and telling me he has finished with the TV now - I am starting to get the impression from this and many other incidents that Sparky may be a structured personality - a J, in Myers Brigg speak.

I actually allow myself to be directed by him to some extent - so I don't tend to organise craft, for instance, but if he asks for it, will provide it. So he does paint, draw, use playdough, use stickers on a regular basis - though highly structured craft is left for playgroup. I always read a book to him at bedtime, but often he asks for others during the day too. He has been learning to read as well, because he started reading words by himself almost a year ago, I nearly fell over in astonishment and figured maybe I should teach him too if he is interested- but this goes up and down depending on whats going on for me. I used to put on music for him and play music and sing and dance with him before owl, but I don't really get round to this at the moment. Maybe when Owl is a little older it will be something both can do, and I might do it then.

Poor Owl, I keep remembering that at that age I spent lots more time with Sparky, teaching him to walk, showing him things, talking to him, reading books - how do second children learn anything? ?

I find with 2 kids that I have more housework to do, that can't be put off, and as Owl is a light sleeper, I can't do it when he is asleep. So that means they get left to play more by themselves than when I had 1.

my mind says they are going ok, and that this is good for them, to learn to amuse themselves, but my fears say I must get the right amount of everything in! and maybe I am failing them if I don't....

quizzy

A friend (Hi MIM) had this little badge on her blog, so I couldn't resist and did the tests. regular readers would know I am INFP, though this shows the relative strengths of each scale. The multi intelligences though is interesting - I wasn't too surprised, though musical came a little higher than I would think. Have lately though been keen to get back into my singing.

personality and marriage

in the discussion of personality we are having (see also iloveasunnyday blog)

another interesting point: what personalities make good marriages?
andrew and cec - see blog below on blogging and type - enfj and entj. This may be a very good match - not all the same, so there is complementarity, especially on the male/female related dimension of T/F , but also enough the same to give compatibility.

My husband and I are the same type..... we agree a lot, which is nice, and like doing a lot of the same things. But it means we have the same weaknesses. 2 Ps is very chaotic - I find myself as the moderate P having to be J in the marriage. He has to do likewise on T, as I am an extreme F.

However, we do come out as different personalities on Enneagram.

help needed

I am currently working on a post about my fave books. As a P (perceptive type, see blogs on Myers Brigg) making decisions about what to put in the list is taking time, so in the meanwhile here is a boring blog for you, but good for me...

Please help me on a debate I am in at church on tithing on friday - I am meant to be pro. As a very non legalistic person, this is hard - I keep thinking of anti arguments. I am thinking of defining tithing not as a tenth but more generally as a systematic practice of giving - is this legit? and any arguments for me????

btw, as a P, taking sides in such a definite way as you do in debating is quite hard!