I need at least one more February post so here are some kid stories...

Sparky has been showing some theological thinking recently.

When we explained that he would get to see the people he loved in heaven forever, he excitedly exclaimed he would see K____ (a girl from preschool last year) again.

He was putting on some check shorts yesterday, and said they must be church shorts. He is under the impression checks are for church, because the collared shirts he wears for church tend to have checks (the lack of imagination of boys' fashion manufacturers). He then nodded and said "yes, of course it's for the cross". I put a striped tee on him as well, and he said "ah! half a cross !" I didn't have the heart to discourage this interest in symbolism.

Scout has been saying I love you a lot, which is gorgeous. He also enjoys saying "that's mine" - or, if he doesn't want the item, it's "that's Sparky's!". Ah the human paradox -loving and selfish all in the same person!

the clown of God

most of my old children's books have been stored at my in-laws for years and today I sorted through them, looking for some that Sparky might be ready for in the next year or so to take home.

One that I took home and read to Sparky tonight is the Clown of God by Tomie dePaola. I almost couldn't finish reading it, as my voice got choked up with tears (of joy) towards the end. It was a book that was very dear to me as a child. The story follows a juggling clown who in the end just before death, juggles for a statue of the Christ child, and in this finds meaning. The clown dies in the story, but the sadness of the death is transformed into joy in the story. Sparky said in wonder that it was sad and then good. It sparked off a discussion on death that got quite involved (Next time I won't read this story JUST before going to bed). I think at 4 Sparky was just old enough for this story - it might be even better for 5-6 year olds, and can be appreciated by 35 year olds too. The illustrations re very beautiful too.

Now I am looking forward to rereading the rest of the books I brought home. I am trying not to get too disappointed if his favourites are different from mine!

A simpler approach to ethics

On Australia Day I discussed 2 ethical issues with Sparky. Now, granted, in explaining the issues to Sparky, my own biases came through strongly, both because I was trying to explain simply, and because I was instilling values.

But I was struck by how simple these issues appeared to him.

He couldn't understand why anyone would buy cage eggs. It was easy for him: unhappy chickens = a bad thing. Then when I explained that they were cheaper and people cared more about that than the chickens, he wanted to know why the supermarket sold them. I explained that they sold them because people bought them. He suggested that as more people realised chickens were sad and bought the free range eggs, maybe the supermarket would stop selling them. I said I hoped so.

The other issue was the date of Australia Day. He wanted to know why some thought it should be a different day (reading news over my shoulder). I explained about the indigenous point of view. His reaction? Well, why not just make it a different day then? Indeed.

On that last point, I am taken by suggestions we should make it the day we become a republic --- now roll on the republic!

photo from image after

Boys' dreams

Sparky announced to me today, with a complete lack of originality for a boy, that when he grows up he wants to be a fireman. This follows on from his longheld desire to be a superhero. (I was a girly girl who wanted to be a ballerina and the like). It is easy to dismiss these dreams as just boyish bravado. Yet I a while ago I asked Sparky why he liked superheroes - expecting to hear that they are able to do anything, or are very strong. He told me he likes them because they help people. It struck me that this is something they have in common with superheroes. Is this something we downplay in our stereotyping of boys? That in their desire to be these kind of heroes, boys show an altruism very early on? We often these days see the desire to help as feminine. Sure, the heroism is active and public, and perhaps in that we see a masculine side to the altruism. But nevertheless, there are boys all over wanting to help and save people. What a pity that we tell them to be sensible instead. I don't know whether he will continue to want to be a fireman - the majority don't - but I hope he keeps that desire to help.

(and yes he does like Fireman Sam, and we have this toy!)

virtues for children

I borrowed a book from the local library the other day which I still haven't got around to reading much of (yes I read the fiction first...........). It is called Character building - written by a catholic educationalist. It lists a whole lot of virtues we should aim to inculcate in our children. Even without reading this book, just looking at the chpater headings has been making me think about a virtue focussed upbringing. I think it is quite a handy way to be thoughtful and intentional as a parent, as you can have the virtues you want for them in your head (by the way, I feel for the sake of honesty that I should say I have my days when being intentional as a parent is not on the rader and instead having us all get through the day in one piece is more the goal ;) ). Here is his list of virtues:
audacity (more like boldness for the good). flexibility. fortitude. friendship. generousity. humility. industriousness. justice.loyalty. moderation (more like lack of ostentation). modesty (more like respect of privacy). Obedience. Orderliness. Optimism. Patience. Patriotism (which aslso supports other countries). Perserverance. Prudence. Respect for others. Responsibility. Simplicity (more like authenticity). Sincerity. Sociability. Understanding.

Negatives first:
1. In the bit I have read, he suggests that before 7, you can only really concentrate on 3 virtues - obedience, sincerity and orderliness. I think this is rather pessimistic and limiting, though I notice he does address small kids when he looks at the other virtues.
2. Where is love or grace or compassion?? Certainly several of these virtues would be acting in love, but I would like to have this emphasised.
3. Not all virtues are of equal importance - I certainly am not sure I would focus on patriotism - though perhaps I would prefer to call this social responsility, and act on a global as well as local scale. (By the way, I am actually a very patriotic person, but I'm not sure how important it is that I am!)

Positives:
1. Many of these are directly biblically based, while others may be supported more indirectly. Others are wise ways to deal with life.
2. I think this list is quite widereaching and encourages you to think about qualities that otherwise you might forget.
Some I have been thinking about with my kids lately:
Flexibility - the book makes it clear this is not flexibility about all things! Some things we need to stand firm on. I have been thinking about this with Sparky, as he as I have mentioned before is very structured - which sometimes verges on the obsessional, and I think it is helpful for me to not pander to his self imposed rules, for his sake, as life will be easier if he is flexible, and for the sake of others because I think flexibility can be a real other centred virtue.
Fortitude - this is something I have been intentional about with both kids, though perhaps I think not giving enough sympathy at times, as Sparky is now refusing cuddles sometimes when he is hurt, so I think I need now to stress that it is OK to get the help you need! I think it is good for even small kids to realise that sometimes things can be hard, and it is better to carry on and do your best rather than whinging. I think this results in children who are competent, and also ones who will not look for someone to blame (like God!) or someone to revenge themselves on when things don't go their way. After all, as Rom 5:3-5 says: And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. (NRSV)
Understanding - lately I have been trying to awaken empathy in Sparky - this is an uphill battle with a 3 year old, and maybe overly ambitious, but we will see!

What virtues are you focussing on? Are there any you would take off from the list? any you would add?

More spiritual development

A couple of interesting conversations with Sparky yesterday.

First, he had been in time out twice (once from his dad once from me) for being aggressive with his brother. He had also at this time been pretending to be a super hero. He then wouldn't put his teatowel cape back on and was sobbing - I ased why, and he said "I will never ever be a super hero". Why not? becuase super heroes are good, not naughty and they help people. They also fly, according to Sparky, but apparently that is not as definitive of them as the moral virtues of a hero! We had a big talk about how all of us be naughty sometimes, and that he can already be a super hero, and that God will have lots of super hero things for him to do in life. Cape went back on . So, lovely internalisation of desire for goodness - but now need him to feel that him being good isn't a hopeless case.

Secondly, at the shops, he suddenly says "come along Jesus, hold my hand" and I look down (Sparky is holding my hand) and the other hand is outstretched holding on to well what looks likes nothing. Then we get to the car and I am told to strap Jesus in as well. Sparky then says "it is a good thing we didn't leave Jesus at the shops". Very true. Then he says "jesus says he loves everybody" . Then Jesus got a running commentary from Sparky about what could be seen out the window. Jeus was kinda being treated like an imaginary friend, but still I thought it was gorgeous - so relational.

I feel like I am leaving Owl out recently, so his latest thing is he has stood by himself unsupported - yesterday for quite a while, because he was so cranky with me for putting him down, he just stood and cried for a while and then calmed down , realised he was standing up and so sat down with a plop. Quite a funny sight actually - poor fella.