I have just started mentoring someone, and so I picked up John Mallison's book on mentoring which I had lying round the house. I opened it at a page which spoke about the qualities of a mentor. One thing that really struck me was that it spoke about the openness of a person, how we all have things about ourselves that are hidden from either ourselves or other people. It used a quadrant, where 1. known by all 2. known by us but hidden from others 3. known by others but hidden from ourselves 4. unknown by all. It was good if mentors had larger 1 quads and smaller 3 quads.
3 really got to me, and then a couple of days later a friend brought up this idea again, that we are often unaware of how we come across.
I've been wondering ever since what I am hiding from myself. Do I want to know or not? I guess it would be good ultimately to know, but kinda scary in the short term. Maybe I need to ask God to show me.
One experience like this I had when I was younger (though not strictly 3 - more how I was being misunderstood) - was that I came across to people as snobbish on first meeting when in reality I was very shy and was afraid that they wouldn't like me - and then they wouldn't because they thought I was judging them. It was very helpful to find this out!
2 comments:
I often wonder if the fact that I occasionally answer my kids questions while talking to someone else on the phone bothers them. I guess I feel like I can do both fine, but at the same time it may seem rude to the other person.
We did that quadrant back when I was in year 11. The thing that struck me at the time was that 3 is often where our insecurities blossom. I become most insecure not when I transfer 3 to 1, but when I imagine things in 3 like "nobody likes me" or "everyone thinks I talk too much". They may or may not be true, but they certainly create stress! :)
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