No girls

It looks likely we will have no more children (though of course God could have other ideas). This has been primarily my decision, though Bhaer and I have discussed it (extensively!), and he is OK with me deciding this. I have given away my maternity clothes and the young baby stuff. The reaction of most people has been "aren't you going to try for a girl?"

We definitely would have liked a girl. We even tried some methods to have a girl last time. And Bhaer would, if it were up to him, try for a girl.

The reasons to stop at 2 are multiple. First, I have had 2 difficult births. I have had preeclampsia twice, and also had to have caesars , due to the consequences of little me marrying a large man. With Sparky, I had an emergency caesar after an induced backache labour of 15 hours, and a failed forceps delivery. Sparky was induced a week early due to preeclampsia. All that was painful enough, but then due to my dangerously high blood pressure (preeclampsia symptom), I was unable to have half the pain relief usually given after a caesar, which made the first couple of weeks very painful - I am told it would make quite a difference to be able to have the medication I was denied. I came home on meds for the BP which I had to be weaned off as my BP came down with the hormones leaving my body. I found out I needed to go down with my meds each time I almost fainted as my BP went too low (bit dangerous with new bub). It was hard to front up again for birth after that, but we wanted a sibling for Sparky. Plus, statistics favoured me not having to go through all that again. Stats wrong in my case. In fact I got it earlier and worse - Owl was born by elective ceasar 3 weeks early, as otherwise my clotting factors in my blood were getting so low it was quite possible that i would bleed to death on the table if left any longer. Again I couldn't have half the pain relief. It didn't help that after all that, because of dangerously high BP, I was woken up every hour to have it checked the night after the birth. Now, I have been told while I am allowed to have another if keen, I must take into consideration that I am likely to go through all this yet again. As well as being painful, it also of course has possible risks for me and the baby.

Other reasons against are finances, our ages (by next baby we would be both reaching those ages where risks of defects increase), wanting to move on to do other things in our lives (things we see God wanting us to do), our personality types (both of us are introverts who need time out and space - many of those I know who have opted for large families are extraverted - or at least the woman is quite often) and the kind of babies we have had so far (read difficult!!!).

We see this decision as a wisdom one - i.e. one in which God's will is different for different people in different situations.

The reasons "for" are these:1 - children are wonderful, and each one is precious - I believe that wholeheartedly. - I'm sure no. 10 is still a unique blessing! but unless you hold an anti-contraception viewpoint which we do not, at some point you make a decision to stop 2. to have a girl.

And there we have it. The major reason we would have a third is to have a girl. As I have said, we would love to have a girl. But there are no guarantees we would have one.

I am content with the decision not to have a girl - my 2 boys are delightful - I can't imagine exchanging them for a girl - God knew what he was doing with them. In fact, though I totally understand people's questions about trying for a girl (see below), I want to make it clear that an all boy family is not an inferior option.

But I am still in mourning for the girl we won't have. Partly because I would have loved buying little dresses and all the other girly stuff! Though I am able to enjoy this by buying these for my nieces and other girls. But also because I won't experience the mother - daughter relationship. This I think will particularly hit me when I become a grandmother. I am determined to be the best mother in law ever! Actually I have a notion that God will send girls and women into my life who will be like daughters to me - maybe daughters in law? So I look forward to that.