first love

I'm not talking about childhood sweethearts here (maybe another time - then again maybe not) - rather what it feels like to have another child. I feel like I am cheating on my first true love with this new love - my second boy - who though I love him and would protect him with my death, I currently cannot love in the same way - I love him for his potential, but I love my first boy for who he is and my relationship with him. I have to give so much time to this new love - and can see my first child upset because of this. Not to mention that first kid is bonding more with his dad now (which is lovely and all that, but I have to admit to a not so admirable liking for that mum fixation little kids have!). I feel like saying - hey, look firstborn you dont know how much I want to spend time with you too!!! I guess people must get past this once second kid starts becoming a personality.