The title gives it away - if this isn't you I apologise in advance. If it is, I want to ask you a question. it was my 12th wedding anniversary on Sunday and as yet we haven't really done anything big for it (well we got takeaway - actually very nice takeaway!).
Sunday is a work day for me, so I was at work all day (fair enough! working on anniversaries, birthdays is to be expected - the world doesn't stop just because of it), and then we couldn't get babysitting that night, so we stayed home and got takeaway. I'm not complaining, because we plan to go out next weekend. Anyway, I wasn't upset - I was laughing about this with my husband, becuase 10 years ago, I would have been upset, but since having kids, your expectations change and just having the kids asleep while we ate takeaway was great! Though we did trap 4 mice that night, which was a bit sad and not celebratory! (I struggle with wanting to get rid of the mice, but feeling bad about killing them...........perhaps because they are cute and furry, as cockroaches don't worry me at all)
Anyway, it made me think that even though we were both OK with it, that now Owl isn't a baby anymore, I should do some more things towards the health of our marriage. I don't want to talk about putting the romance, passion or excitement back in, because I think that these terms often conceal a shallow view of marriage that it is all about that buzzy first love feeling. No, what I want to know is NOT how to keep the romance in the marriage, but how to keep the closeness - a different and deeper thing. So, that is my question - how do you other couples with little kids keep the closeness in your marriage? We try to get time together whenever we manage it, but so far haven't instituted any routines about this - has anyone else? did it prove useful? and what did you do?
Sunday is a work day for me, so I was at work all day (fair enough! working on anniversaries, birthdays is to be expected - the world doesn't stop just because of it), and then we couldn't get babysitting that night, so we stayed home and got takeaway. I'm not complaining, because we plan to go out next weekend. Anyway, I wasn't upset - I was laughing about this with my husband, becuase 10 years ago, I would have been upset, but since having kids, your expectations change and just having the kids asleep while we ate takeaway was great! Though we did trap 4 mice that night, which was a bit sad and not celebratory! (I struggle with wanting to get rid of the mice, but feeling bad about killing them...........perhaps because they are cute and furry, as cockroaches don't worry me at all)
Anyway, it made me think that even though we were both OK with it, that now Owl isn't a baby anymore, I should do some more things towards the health of our marriage. I don't want to talk about putting the romance, passion or excitement back in, because I think that these terms often conceal a shallow view of marriage that it is all about that buzzy first love feeling. No, what I want to know is NOT how to keep the romance in the marriage, but how to keep the closeness - a different and deeper thing. So, that is my question - how do you other couples with little kids keep the closeness in your marriage? We try to get time together whenever we manage it, but so far haven't instituted any routines about this - has anyone else? did it prove useful? and what did you do?
The image is of the wonderful roti canai we had from makan at alices (see review here, which is where I got the pic)
4 comments:
Our plan is to have J&K days once a month where we pre-book babysitting for the whole day and sometimes overnight. Being in the country, we usually go for a big drive to somewhere exotic, like Orange or Cowra, and just spend the day talking in the car, hanging out together, and getting closer again. There are lots of nice places to stay o/night, too, so we try and head off to a winery or B&B somewhere when we can.
That's the plan. Work has rather too often quashed the days, but this year we're trying to book the whole year's worth of days in advance, so we don't forget them as they happen. Wotif is a great source of ideas...
As per my 'More on the 2008 plan' post in early Jan I too have this focus this year. Last night we had our first monthly 'date night' which will now be the first Tuesday of each month - i was held up at work so was a little late - but we had a great time.
Our marriage has improved considerably since we both started telling the truth to each other. (I mean truth like this: "Would you put out the garbage?" Response: "No, I'm busy doing this." Or "I'm really mad because you didn't pick up your socks this morning and I feel like you just expect me to do it." Response: "I'm really sorry." And no offence taken.)
A night at home once a week with a video is icing on the cake.
Sounds like doing something structured might be worth a go. We aren't very structured people, but otherwise it wont happen. And I know what you mean about telling the truth, Cecily - I might call that not letting things fester!
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