What mums can wear this spring (shoes)

I spend way too much time thinking about fashion – I justify it by categorising it as my hobby I use to relax, just as someone else might be into scrapbooking! Well just decided to justify it a bit more by using all my time spent thinking about this to summarise for you what will work from this season’s fashion for mums like me, that need clothes for hanging round at home with the kids, making dashes to the shops, visiting friends, doing some part time work, and occasionally getting out in the evening (and realising you have nothing to wear). And don’t want to speand lots of money.

So I will do an occasional blog on this – today it’s shoes for spring:

Ballet flats - These have been around for a while now, but long may they stay in fashion. These are wonderful – I live in my current black pair. They are flat – lets face it as much as a hobbit like me feels the need for heels, they just don’t cut it when you are looking after kids. They slip on and off – I keep mine next to the door, as I’m often needing to just dash out. They are comfy. They can be dressed up or down, and go with almost anything. Currently fashionable – and always hepburnesque!

I have a black patent pair at the moment – patent is very in – and they have seen lots of wear – but I got them for 40 dollars and 6 months later after very frequent wear the patent is peeling off. So this might be an item worth spending a bit more on. I also have a pair of colourful cherry ripe keds – they make me feel happy but don’t go with lots of stuff.

What will I get next? Silver ones. Metallics are a trend this season, and I reckon they will have that go with most things vibe black does, but have a lovely summery look to them. I am also craving a jewel embellished pair , but not so sure these will be as all purpose.

Sandals . Again, flat. Comfy, Great for warmer days. More elegant than a thong. I’m assuming you already have a pair of thongs! Keep wearing them – not that in this year, so buy new sandals instead. I have some metallically blue and also black havianas given to me by lovely people, and very handy they are. So anyway, go the sandal this year - unlike a thong, they can be dressed up or down.

Beware: all sandals are not created equal. A sandal can be a thing of resort like elegance or orthopaedic ugliness. I have put some photos in of the type of thing I am thinking of:
Now, I don’t want to encourage consumerism so in terms of spring shoes, that’s it. That should do you. One or both of those. Approaching summer, you might feel like a new pair of dressy shoes for the party season – so we will talk about those then.

* all shoes pictured are from witchery - see www.witchery.com.au

More bloggy book club - a new development

After some discussion, a new development. There will be at the ONE AND THE SAME TIME - can we do it?? a fiction and non fiction book going. So, this means if you are reading both, if you get bored with one, you can read the other for a while (sometimes i feel like fiction sometimes non fiction - dont know about you). It also means if you only want to read one that's fine too - and now you have a choice regarding which one. I am thinking, as it is excellent timing, that maybe (unless it looks bad) the winner of 2007 Man Booker Prize - which is announced Monday - so will let you know then. Meanwhile, take a look at the shortlist, and take a guess which will win:
http://www.themanbookerprize.com/prize/thisyear/shortlist

Bloggy Book club

Dear readers,
A blogger friend, the babies stole my brain, is committed to regaining said brain. In pursuit of which, she has just started a blog book club to help us to read and discuss.

I was on the verge of starting something similar, so i was thrilled to read her post on this - see here.

Who would like to join us? A variety of views and opinions are welcome as long as respect is shown. I haven't consulted her on this, but I assume that it is Ok to go in and out depending on your interest in the book under discussion at the time.

As initiating blogger, tbsmb has chosen our inaugural book - The book is called Women, Ministry and the Gospel: Exploring New Paradigms. It's a collection of essays presented at the 2005 Wheaton College Theology conference. As fas as I understand it, on my brief research on the net, this was a conference which tried to bridge the gap between those on opposing sides of the women in ministry debate. (see here for a view on the upshot of this by one egalitarian) - so this then, I think, is a book by people on both sides of the debate who have a desire for christian unity and reconciliation. We would read a chapter or 2 a week and discuss via our blogs on a set day. In the spirit of the book, I welcome those on both sides of the debate to come read it with us.

I have made a plea for fiction to be on the menu as well, so maybe next time!

If you are interested, please let either me or tbsmb know. See her post for online places to buy the book.

No girls

It looks likely we will have no more children (though of course God could have other ideas). This has been primarily my decision, though Bhaer and I have discussed it (extensively!), and he is OK with me deciding this. I have given away my maternity clothes and the young baby stuff. The reaction of most people has been "aren't you going to try for a girl?"

We definitely would have liked a girl. We even tried some methods to have a girl last time. And Bhaer would, if it were up to him, try for a girl.

The reasons to stop at 2 are multiple. First, I have had 2 difficult births. I have had preeclampsia twice, and also had to have caesars , due to the consequences of little me marrying a large man. With Sparky, I had an emergency caesar after an induced backache labour of 15 hours, and a failed forceps delivery. Sparky was induced a week early due to preeclampsia. All that was painful enough, but then due to my dangerously high blood pressure (preeclampsia symptom), I was unable to have half the pain relief usually given after a caesar, which made the first couple of weeks very painful - I am told it would make quite a difference to be able to have the medication I was denied. I came home on meds for the BP which I had to be weaned off as my BP came down with the hormones leaving my body. I found out I needed to go down with my meds each time I almost fainted as my BP went too low (bit dangerous with new bub). It was hard to front up again for birth after that, but we wanted a sibling for Sparky. Plus, statistics favoured me not having to go through all that again. Stats wrong in my case. In fact I got it earlier and worse - Owl was born by elective ceasar 3 weeks early, as otherwise my clotting factors in my blood were getting so low it was quite possible that i would bleed to death on the table if left any longer. Again I couldn't have half the pain relief. It didn't help that after all that, because of dangerously high BP, I was woken up every hour to have it checked the night after the birth. Now, I have been told while I am allowed to have another if keen, I must take into consideration that I am likely to go through all this yet again. As well as being painful, it also of course has possible risks for me and the baby.

Other reasons against are finances, our ages (by next baby we would be both reaching those ages where risks of defects increase), wanting to move on to do other things in our lives (things we see God wanting us to do), our personality types (both of us are introverts who need time out and space - many of those I know who have opted for large families are extraverted - or at least the woman is quite often) and the kind of babies we have had so far (read difficult!!!).

We see this decision as a wisdom one - i.e. one in which God's will is different for different people in different situations.

The reasons "for" are these:1 - children are wonderful, and each one is precious - I believe that wholeheartedly. - I'm sure no. 10 is still a unique blessing! but unless you hold an anti-contraception viewpoint which we do not, at some point you make a decision to stop 2. to have a girl.

And there we have it. The major reason we would have a third is to have a girl. As I have said, we would love to have a girl. But there are no guarantees we would have one.

I am content with the decision not to have a girl - my 2 boys are delightful - I can't imagine exchanging them for a girl - God knew what he was doing with them. In fact, though I totally understand people's questions about trying for a girl (see below), I want to make it clear that an all boy family is not an inferior option.

But I am still in mourning for the girl we won't have. Partly because I would have loved buying little dresses and all the other girly stuff! Though I am able to enjoy this by buying these for my nieces and other girls. But also because I won't experience the mother - daughter relationship. This I think will particularly hit me when I become a grandmother. I am determined to be the best mother in law ever! Actually I have a notion that God will send girls and women into my life who will be like daughters to me - maybe daughters in law? So I look forward to that.

catch up (plus some discussion of gifts)

I haven't blogged for a week, so i thought I would do a catch up blog.

The reason for my extended silence was Sparky's 3rd bday, Bhaer's study schedule, Sparky getting a tummy bug, Owl getting his first tooth, and my work schedule.

It all happens at once doesn't it?!!

Sparky's bday involved lots of assembling - a bike, a swing set, a blow up trampoline (still haven't finished the swing set...). And contrary to popular stereotypes, I am better at this than Bhaer, so a lot of it became my job. I will certainly be much more alert to assembly requirements at Christmas. Could be a deal breaker...

Sparky certainly in my opinion received too much, though this was due to the love and generousity of all the lovely people in our lives. (Bhaer and I only gave him 2 pressies - a bike and a book.) Perhaps I am misremembering, but children seem to have many more toys today than when I was growing up - what do others think?

As well as Sparky's gifts, we put together a gift for a child with less than him - we got a shoebox ready for OPERATION CHRISTMAS CHILD. We chose to fill a box for a boy 2-4 yo - i.e. the same as Sparky. Sparky seemed most concerned that we had to buy a toothbrush - I think this truly brought home to him how much less some children have. He chose what we gave (well I chose what we would give, but he chose which one of each thing). He chose everything that he would have liked (which I think is deep love from 3yo) and has shown no desire to claim the things for himself. We had a bit of a hiccup with buying all this - Bhaer met up with me at the end of the shop and paid for the entire supermarket shop while I went and fed Owl. He then left the bag containing the pressies at the supermarket accidently. So we had to go back the next day and go round the shelves again and get these again (not pay for them, the supermarket were understanding), and while this annoyed me, it ended up I think helping Sparky to really get the whole concept worked out. If you are interested in doing it, see here for the list of what to pack and previous link for where to send.

how a child survives

as I said I might, I thought I would write my impressions of the book Borderliners by Peter Hoeg - see previous post. Sadly I got a whole post ready in my head in the shower but by the time I got a chance to write this post a lot of those eloquent musings have vanished.

Beware - if you plan to read the book there are some spoilers ahead. In the book 3 children all damaged by life in some way try to cope with the environment of a very structured (most notably with time and assessment), rigid boarding school. One child has been horribly abused by his parents - and revenged himself on them by murdering them - another (Peter the protagonist - also Peter Hoeg though supposedly not autobiographical) has been orphaned since a baby and been brought up in institutions, another has had both parents die, her mother first and then her father by suicide. The school is a celebrated one - its structured system, a form of darwinism , means that those who cope with it end up highly successful - but those who fail to do so breakdown. A microcosm of the world really.

The school has taken on these borderline cases, because it believes it can save them. Of course the school has overlooked a crucial foundation for resilience - children need to have not only discipline but also love. The children who cope with the demands of this school environment come from stable family backgrounds. So these 3 have little chance of survival. Only one of them does - not Katarina, the girl who had had a loving family - well at least she doesn't seem to have (she is missing in action at the end) - but Peter the institutionalised one. The abused boy has no chance - the love shown him by Peter is too little too late - although it does seem to prevent him murdering again. Katarina perhaps, has a question mark over her survival, because her father did not love her enough to stay around. The difference for Peter is that he has known not only love but known the redemptive power of self sacrificial love. A pivotal scene is based around the love - grace really - shown him by an older child in one of the institutions - the children are washed by being processed through three showers - one warm, 2 cold, one after another. There is no time to stay in the warm shower, as you must move on as the one ahead of you becomes free - and no-one wants to stay for long in the cold ones. The warm shower is one of the few moments of comfort in their bleak existence. This older child, Humlum, stays in the cold shower until his body cannot take it any longer - and this is in Denmark folks - so that Peter coming up behind him can have a warm shower for as long as possible. This for Peter, encapsulated love. HUmlum's ghostlike presence (Humlum dies earlier) keeps him going.

Humlum is thus the quintessential Christ figure. The sad thing though is that in the book Jesus is equated not with the grace of Humlum but with the rigid legalism of the school authorities who profess to be Christians.

Thus this book has something to say not only to child development but more broadly to what is needed for survival in this world. Depressingly, too often Christians do not provide those moments of grace to others that can make all the difference between being lifted up or being crushed. Here's to a God that lifts up.
Isaiah 42:3
a bruised reed he will not break,
and a dimly burning wick he will not quench;
he will faithfully bring forth justice.

security and competency

I have been thinking about and struggling with the issue of developing both security and competency in my children. This is a similar issue to how you balance love and discipline with children, but I guess a slightly different perspective.

It has been on my mind a bit recently due not only to the constant work of parenting, but also because I have been reading about a book that we bought from a fete - a novel - about 3 damaged children at an experimental school - more about that when I finish it perhaps (if you are interested, it is Borderliners by Peter Hoeg).

I want my kids to feel that I love and am interested in them no matter what. Pretty fundamental for happiness and peace in this world. I want them to be secure. But I also want children who can cope with this world. I want them to be competent. So, for instance, when one of my kids hurts himself (btw not gender exclusive, just I only have boys!), how much sympathy do you show? He needs to know that I care when he is hurt, but also that he is able to pick himself up and keep on going.

Lately I have been a bit draconian about cup spills with Sparky - we had trouble changing him over to a non lidded cup because he just would not take responsibility for it. He could use it, but he wouldnt keep aware of where it was, so would knock it over. Eventually I did 2 things - 1- introduced negative consequences for spills due to carelessness (not genuine accidents) 2 - stopped giving him lidded cups. 1 - had some effect but 2 - was the most effective.

Was it important that he use a non lidded cup? probably not in and of itself, although now Owl is using a cup, good not to get them confused for hygiene.

Rather, it became symbolic of something larger for me - that I needed to teach him responsibility and self control - if he was able to do something, then I wanted him to do it. I dont require for instance that he dress himself, but I currently do require that he undress himself except for tops - which I give some help with.

I have noticed that I tend on the whole to require more competency than others - though not as much as some!

But lately, I have been worrying again about showing more grace - the whole cup issue made sparky a bit TOO worried about accidents, and I don't want him to feel he can't mistakes.

i have a vague memory of reading an article about this by someone like stephanie dowrick - anyone recall?

then of course there is the whole issue of different personalities - Sparky is very dtermined and has drive which will help him, but he is , oddly, not very independent - he likes you doing something for him. So I feel the need to encourage independence.

Owl, seems to be less driven - much more likely to give up on mastering something, but on the otherhand more independent. I think I will need to encourage him to persist.